May Angels Lead You In
by ocmluvr21
Summary: AU - Laura is spending her summer working at an Inpatient Hospice center. The job turns out to be more difficult that she thought, for many reasons. There will be angst. This is also on my tumblr
1. One

I sat in the hard chair, tapping my foot a little nervously. I had had job interviews before, but this wasn't like my old summer job, this was a real internship. If this went well, I could have a job after grad school. I fixed my sweater a little, hoping I looked good enough for this.

After another minute, a woman in a pantsuit walked out and smiled at me. "Laura?"

I stood up and walked over to her and gave her the best handshake I could, thankful that my hands weren't super sweaty. "Nice to meet you," I said smiling.

The interview was conducted how I could have guessed it would, asking about past jobs and experience. Then she asked the question I knew I would get, the one I spent the most time trying to figure out my response to. "Why do you want to work in hospice care?"

I resisted the urge to bite my lip as I paused to remember my response. "I have always wanted to do grief counseling, or therapy at a hospice center. My friends have always found that weird and depressing, but its what I've wanted to since I was about ten. When my mom was sick, we used a lot of the resources that the hospice center had to offer, and I have always wanted to be able to help other people the way that the center helped me."

She smiled at me and then continued the interview. "Thank you for coming in, Miss Hollis. We will be in touch by the end of the week."

"Thank you," I shook her outstretched hand. "It was very nice to meet you." I walked out of the office and took a deep breath. It had seemed to go well, but you could never really tell.

….

I followed one of the nurses around the first floor of the building. "In here we have some treadmills. They don't get used too much, patients will often opt to just walk around outside." I nodded, trying to remember everything I was being told in addition to where everything is. "The library is right down here." Perry said.

"Can patients go where ever they want when ever they want?" I asked.

"For the most part. Areas like the treadmill room and pool are closed when there can't be staff there. But the patients aren't confined to their rooms." She stopped walking and looked at me. "Any other questions?"

"Not that I can think of."

"I'm sure you'll be fine, and if you think of anything else, you can ask any of us." She smiled at me and I smiled back. "What are you studying?"

"Psychiatry."

"I'm sure you probably hoped to do more psychiatric work."

"Yeah, but I knew I would be interning. Either way, it's nice to be able to be here and see how everything works."

"You're a positive person aren't you?" I nodded. "Well, try and keep that mindset as much as you can, honey. Hospice centers aren't easy places to work at. Sure you may find it easy to bring people lunches and what not, but it's hard mentally. You get to know these people; your job is to make their final days the best that you can. Relationships form, and you will get worked up the first time one of your patients dies. The best you can do is to keep going and just compartmentalize everything."

"Thanks," I said slowly.

"Let's go and start collecting the dishes from breakfast." I followed the nurse to the elevator up to the residence.

….

My first week was going pretty well. For the most part, most of the patients were really nice people. The other interns and younger staff gave me tips about some of the patients that had been there for a while.

Perry had been right, the second day I was here one of the patients died. I had only just met him. Harold, 79, COPD. It was a weird day, he had been here for a month or so; another girl, Danny had spent a lot of time with him, and was pretty upset. I kept that in the back of my mind as I began to interact more and more with the patients.

I did a lot of the more grunt work: taking food to and from peoples rooms, cleaned the common areas, got stuff for the regular staff. But it was still much better than working the cash register at Hollister. That had been a painful job, not to mention all the jokes I got with my last name.

I had gotten to meet with some of the counselors and so I asked them questions and learned more about what they did and what I should be doing to prepare. One of them mentioned having me come and observe them later this summer.

….

I walked into the next room carrying the tray with the new resident's lunch. The room was empty, I put the tray down and stood there a little awkwardly, I hadn't met her yet and I thought I should introduce myself to her. I glanced at the chart that was next to the door. Before I could get past the name a door opened and I turned to see a girl walk into the living area, looking oddly at me. She wasn't actually a girl; she was probably about my age. But compared to most of the other patients I see, she was really young.

"You must be Ms. Karnstein," I said.

"Yeah," she said slowly, still eyeing me. She sat down on her bed. She crossed her legs, but she managed to do it looking like she was pissed off. Plus she was wearing almost black skinny jeans, black shirt, and somewhat dark eye make-up. Which made her look even more annoyed.

"I'm Laura, one of the interns. So I tend to bring meals and do clean up type of things." Her eyebrows were still arched. "Is there anything you need?"

"To not be here."

"Anything I can actually do?"

"No," she shook her head. She smiled a little, but it didn't look like she was smiling because she was happy.

"Then I will see you later today." I started to walk towards the door.

"So what's the deal?"

I turned around. "Sorry?"

"I mean do I just spend the rest of my life in this room?"

"It depends on what type of care you need and how your symptoms are. There are activities through out the week for the patients that are able to participate in them."

"Patients, that sounds so depressing."

"I'm sorry."

"It's whatever," she said and then turned and looked at her food.

I took that to mean she wanted to be alone so I walked out of her room and closed the door behind myself.


	2. Two

Danny sat down next to me at the table and began to unpack her lunch. "Nice juice box," she said glancing at me.

"You are just jealous that you don't have one."

"That's like one gulp of juice." I rolled my eyes. "So any stories today?"

I swallowed the bite of apple I had just taken. "Not really. Oh, there is a new Patient in the west side of the third floor."

"What are they like?"

"She's young." I took a sip from my juice. "She's maybe a year or two older than us."

"It always sucks when you get someone young. Do you know what's up with her?"

I shook my head. "I didn't really look at her information."

"She cute?"

"What?" I asked, choking on my juice a little. "I don't know," I stuttered a little.

"I'm just messing with ya," she pushed me a little. "So I need to tell you about this patient that came yesterday. Mr. Roberts. Has mild dementia. Sexist, kinda racist, and probably homophobic, he says the worst shit. But it's pretty funny."

"Oh God."

"Don't let him hear you say that, he would not approve of you saying that."

"Does it bother you?"

"Kinda. I mean I've had patients like him before. Half the time they don't understand what they are saying, so I humor them some."

"Okay."

"You figure it out. You just have to compartmentalize everything. These people are about to die, our job is to make that as peaceful as possible."

"That's what Perry told me."

"And she is right. They are our priority here. Sure I might not like it when I hear someone ranting about 'those damn gays getting married' but what's the point of arguing or getting worked up about it. They can't do anything about it, and its useless to try and change their views."

"Good point."

"But then so many of the other patients are amazing people, and you can tell that they have lived great lives, and helped people."

"Everyone deserves to die in peace."

"Exactly," Danny motioned to me with her banana.

"Don't stick that phallic shaped fruit in my face." I said and we both started to laugh.

….

Late morning was the best time to be stationed in the outdoor area by the gardens. It still wasn't super hot, but most of the patients that walk, walk earlier. It was basically two hours of standing against a wall, being outside.

"Hey Hollister!" I turned to see Danny jogging over to me. I now regretted telling her about my past job.

"What's up?" I shielded the sun from my eyes with my hand.

"Guess who I saw today?"

"I have no idea."

"Ms. Karnstein."

"She came out?" I asked surprised.

"Well I'm assuming it was her based off of your descriptions of her. She was in the library a couple of hours ago."

"That's the first time I had heard of her leaving her room."

"What's up with her?"

"I don't know. I mean she's like 25, so I can imagine not wanting to be here."

"Well she's cute."

"Will you stop with that?" I pushed Danny a little; it barely fazed her. I turned and waved at a couple of patients walked by us, as we both laughed.

"I can't imagine being here now."

I nodded in agreement. "So how is Mr. Roberts doing?"

"Today he went on a fifteen minute tangent about what I should be doing to find a nice husband. His suggestion was a soldier." I laughed. "When I accidently swore, he said that men don't like women with sailor mouths."

"Boy is he barking up the wrong tree."

Danny was laughing hard. "Yeah, I didn't have the heart to tell him that his advice was pretty much useless."

"Do you tell Hannah about him?"

"She finds it hilarious that anyone thinks I'm straight. The first time I told her a story like that, she just stared at me and was like 'but you're hella gay'."

I nodded as I continued to laugh. "That is very accurate."

"Hannah wants to meet you, so sometime you should come over after work."

"That sounds great."

Danny looked at her watch. "I should probably go back to work."

"Probably," I agreed.

"See ya later Hollister." She said hitting my shoulder a little and then jogged back to the pool area.

….

I knocked on Ms. Karnstein's door and then counted to fifteen before walking in. She was lounging on her bed, reading a book that looked old, and very used. She didn't acknowledge me as I put her lunch down on her table.

"Is there anything else you need?"

She looked over at me and glanced at the tray of food. "The library needs more books. I've read most of these." She looked back down at her book.

"I'll look into it, Ms. Karnstein."

"Oh God, no." She looked back at me.

"What?"

"Do not call me 'Miss Karnstein'. I can deal with some of the older people calling me that, but you do not call me that."

"What should I call you then?"

"Just call me by my actual name."

"Okay. Well then, Carmilla, I will talk to the library about getting new books."

"Thanks," she mumbled and then went back to her book.

"I'll see you in an hour or so." I said awkwardly and she made a half smile in response.

….

I walked out into the lobby where Carmilla was sitting on a bench by herself. "What are you doing here?" I asked walking towards her.

"It's too stuffy in there, I needed a break."

"Mind if I sit?" I motioned to the empty space next to her on the bench and she shrugged.

"Was I supposed to sign out or something?" I looked at her. "Before leaving the thing so that you people always know where I am."

"This isn't a prison."

"Feels like it."

"Well your room is much nicer here than a prison cell."

Carmilla laughed a little. "Cause you know so much about prison?" She said smiling at me.

"Hey, I've seen all of _Orange is the New Black_."

"So you are clearly an expert."

I nodded, "clearly." I smiled back at her. Carmilla looked away from me. "Do you want to get some real fresh air?"

"What do you mean?"

"Follow me," I said as I stood up. I watched as she slowly stood up and looked at me. I led her down the hall and then through a door into the staircase. We walked up three flights and then I opened the door to the roof. I stuck a brick in the door to keep it open.

"Thanks," she smiled at me quickly before walking around the roof a little. I sat down with my back against the wall along the edge of the roof. After a minute Carmilla walked over and sat down next to me. "It's been a while since I've been outside."

"You're not trapped in your room; we have tennis courts and a pool."

"I don't want to see old people swimming."

I smiled. "Still, you can walk around on the other side of the building."

"I'm just sick of being here."

"Why are you here?"

"Don't you have access to my charts?"

"Yes," I said slowly. "But I'd rather actually hear it from you, than from a piece of paper."

Carmilla looked over at me. "I have cancer." She said simply. "Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. And my symptoms were acting up. My mother didn't feel like dealing with it, and since I'm not expected to be alive in five months, she sent me here. I guess the bills are less trouble for her."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"How many patients do you see everyday?"

"Thirty or so."

"And almost all of them have actual problems. Some can't walk, can't eat, they need help doing everything. But look at me: occasionally my symptoms act up, but right now I am fine." Carmilla looked back straight ahead and tossed a pebble across the roof. "Or at least I can take care of myself for the most part."

"I guess,"

"She just figures that if she sends me here, she can pretend like she is helping me."

"I'm sorry," about five years of different psychology courses, many of them in therapy and counseling; and all I could come up with was 'I'm sorry'. Carmilla made a face she was scoffing a little. "What?"

"That's the best you can think of?" I continued to watch Carmilla pick up another pebble and toss it. "I've known I had cancer since I was fourteen, I'm used to the fake sympathy."

"I'm not faking it."

"You are just here cause it will look good on your resume."

"That is not true."

"Sure," Carmilla looked back at me.

"If I was here for a resume boost, why would I be spending my Friday evening with you, on this roof?"

"Your date stood you up?"

"You know what? I don't have to be here, and I could be doing other things. You have five months left to live; do you really want to isolate yourself from everyone? I see people die all the time, and even the ones completely surrounded by family, wish that they had been closer." I stood up, "I'll see you Monday." And I walked through the door that we had left propped open.


	3. Three

Danny walked into the kitchen and took an apple from one of the trays and took a bite. "You couldn't have walked five extra feet to get one that was not already out?" I said a little angrily.

"Sorry," she said and got a new apple out for the tray. "What's up with you, Hollis?"

"Nothing, it's stupid."

"Laura," I looked at her, she never called me by my first name. "Working here, you can't just put things on the back burner and hope they will go away."

"It's stupid," I said again. "Friday night, I talked to Carmilla." Danny looked at me confused. "Ms. Karnstein."

"Oh," Danny said slowly.

"We were getting along really well. Or at least relatively to before."

"What's the problem then?"

"We argued some, and I snapped at her."

"What happened?"

"Well she thought I was faking my sympathy."

"Were you?"

"No. I really do feel bad for her, she's your age and has like five months left."

"Maybe that's the problem."

"What?"

"She's probably used to sympathy; real and fake. She probably just wants a break from it all, and being here doesn't help."

"True," I said slowly.

"Aren't _you_ the psych major?"

I laughed. "Apparently."

….

I knocked on Carmilla's door a little awkwardly. She didn't respond, but she never did. I walked in and saw her watching TV, not bothering to look at me. "Here's your breakfast." I said loud enough that she could hear.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

"I talked to the library and they said that they would try and get some newer books. But I brought one for you."

"Please do not say you brought _The Fault in Our Stars_."

I chuckled a little. "No, I didn't."

"Good, I don't need any of that stupid young adult shit. Amazingly I didn't meet the love of my life at a support group."

"Have you read this?" I walked over to her and handed her a copy of _Beloved_.

"I've read other Toni Morrison stuff."

"Well, this is my favorite. I wasn't sure what types of books you liked, and had already read. So I just brought my favorite."

Carmilla looked at me. "Thanks," she said and I could tell she actually meant it. I just smiled back at her, as we both just stared at each other. "Um, don't you have other patients?" She asked after a moment of silence.

"Oh yeah, I should probably take them their food."

"Probably," she glanced down at the book, but was still smiling.

"I guess I'll be back in like an hour for your stuff."

She just nodded and I turned and started to walk out. The room was now silent; she must have turned off the TV. I smiled as I closed her door behind me.

….

Pool duty was probably the worst station. The new patients whose symptoms weren't totally debilitating yet mostly used it, but it was still mostly old people, and that was right where the sun seemed to be on. Danny was often stationed there with a guy, Kirsch. But Kirsch was sick, and lucky for me: I am also a certified lifeguard. A couple summers ago, my dad decided I needed to be certified in as many things as I could be. So not only can I do CPR, and save someone if they are drowning, but I am also scuba certified.

"I don't know how you do this?" I said fanning myself a little.

"It's something you get used to," she shrugged. "Plus Kirsch is a little taller than me, so I stand in his shadow." I smiled and watched one of the patients sitting down in a chair. "Are you free on Thursday?"

"After work?" Danny nodded. "I should be. Why?"

Danny looked at me. "I was wondering if you would want to have dinner with me and Hannah."

"Yeah, that sounds great."

"Anything new with Ms. Karnstein?"

"Carmilla?" Danny looked over at me. "She doesn't want the younger staff calling her Miss, it makes her feel weird."

"So what's new with Carmilla?"

"It's going good. Yesterday she just sort of ignored me when I went to her room, but she always did that. Today, I brought her a book."

"A book?"

"Yeah, she complained about the books in our library, and they said it would take a couple of weeks. So I brought one from home." Danny nodded a little. "She was actually grateful for it. Like I could tell that she actually appreciated it."

"That's good. But look, it's a slippery slope."

"I know," I said rocking back into the fence a little. "Build a relationship, help them be happy, but don't get too close."

"It sucks, but its what you gotta do."

"Yup," I exhaled a little dramatically and leaned my head against the fence.

….

I walked into Carmilla's room carrying her breakfast. She wasn't in the room; she was probably in the bathroom. I put it down on the table and turned to leave.

"I finished the book." I turned around to see that she had just walked out of the bathroom.

"Oh, did you like it?"

"Yeah, I had to read it twice to get all of it."

"I've read it at least ten times, and I still don't fully get it."

She smiled, "I read a lot."

"I can tell."

"Oh," she walked over to the bedside table and picked up the book. "Thanks," she said giving it to me.

"No problem, I'm glad you liked it."

"Yeah," she said and we just looked at each other.

"I-" I started to say.

"Wha-" she started at the same time. We both smiled and I motioned for her to continue. "What do you do?" She said laughing a little. She had a nice laugh.

"Like in general?"

"Well you bring food and then an hour later or so you come back and get our crap."

"You should be careful about how you use the word 'crap' that sometimes is my actual job."

She laughed again. "That sucks."

I shrugged. "Well I generally just hang out during the meals, eat my food. But between meals I'm stationed in random places. I pretty much fill in for other people."

Carmilla looked down, she actually looked a little nervous. "Sometime could we talk about the book?"

My smile grew. "Yeah," I nodded. "I have to take the other's their breakfast, but after that."

"Cool," she said casually. I put the book down on her table and then walked out of her room.

I knocked and then walked back into Carmilla's room. She was sitting at the table eating her breakfast. I sat down in the seat across from her and we started to talk about the book.

"How have you read so many books?" I asked, impressed.

"I've been in and out of hospitals since I was fourteen. Between recovery, doctors' office waiting rooms, and all those other fun things, you have a lot of time on your hands. So I read."

"What types of books do you like? Then I can try and find more for you."

"Historical fiction."

"Any particular period?"

"European history mostly."

"You probably loved _Crime and Punishment_."

"You didn't?"

"I couldn't get through it."

"You should give it a second chance. It's probably my favorite book."

"I'll think about it."

"Well I have a copy, if you want to borrow it."

"Thanks." She smiled at me. "I'll actually think about it then." She laughed, and looked down at her empty tray. I checked my watch. "I should probably start clearing trays." Carmilla nodded and I stood up, sliding her tray closer so that I could pick it up easily. "You should think about leaving your room, take a walk outside."

"I'll think about it," she said partially mocking me from a minute ago.

"Well, I'll be out by the gardens." I said as I picked up the tray.

She nodded. "Then I will think about it," she smiled at me.

"Good," I said and then left her room before she could see me blushing.


	4. Four

Danny and I walked through her front door into her apartment. It wasn't that big; but for two people and a cat, it was enough space. "We're back!" Danny called.

A brunette walked out from the kitchen smiling at me. "Hi, you must be Laura."

"Yeah," I said.

"Dinner will be ready in about five minutes."

"Awesome," Danny said walking towards the kitchen. "What do you want to drink? Beer, water, there may be some soda."

"Beer's fine." Danny walked out of the kitchen carrying two bottles of opened beer and handed me one. "Thanks," I said as I took it.

"We were out of juice boxes."

"I don't know how you put up with her." Hannah said to me.

"You live with her."

"True," Hannah said before walking back to the kitchen.

"I would give you a tour, but this is about it." Danny said turning to me. "The bathroom is right there," she pointed to a door on the other side of the room. "But that's about it.

"At least you have your own place."

"That's true, you're just a baby." I pushed Danny a little. "But you're a student, so I guess its okay."

"Oh you guess?"

Danny nodded a little smugly. "Oh! I can show you this." Danny turned and started walking towards what looked like the bedroom. I followed her in a little awkwardly. "This is Jimmy." She motioned to the cat that was curled up on the bed. She picked him up. "Jimmy, this is Laura." He yawned a little, but allowed me to pet him a little. "He's more friendly after he's eaten." She put him back down on her bed and then we walked back out to the living room where Hannah was putting the pasta down. "Looks great babe," Danny said and pulled Hannah into her a little, kissing her on the check.

"Thanks," Hannah said, her face blushing a little. Danny motioned for me to sit down in the chair next to her. "So Danny said you were studying psychiatry?" Hannah asked me, as we all began to eat.

"Yeah, I'm looking into doing grief counseling."

"You're in a pretty good place for that then."

"Yeah," I said smiling. "So you two met at school?"

"Mhmm," Danny said, mouth full.

"She was the president of this all girls sports club, and I was one of the members."

"All girls sports club?" I asked laughing a little.

"It was called the Summer Society. It was pretty much a sorority; but instead of formals we had like rugby matches." Danny said, twirling the pasta around her fork.

"That sounds so gay."

Hannah eyed me, nodding. "It was," Danny agreed.

"Are you dating anyone Laura?" Hannah asked, taking a sip of her beer.

"No. I'm so busy in school, I don't really have time for people."

"Oh right, this is just a summer gig."

"Hopefully I can come back, it's a great place."

"Well if you do end up staying, there are definitely some girls we could set you up with."

"Thanks," I said taking another sip of my beer.

"Seems like you and Carmilla are getting close," Danny commented.

"What?" I coughed on my beer a little.

"I mean she comes out of her room now. She goes to where you are stationed, but it's better than being locked up in her room."

"You were right, she just wants someone who doesn't see the cancer."

"Well its good, if she seems happy. Just try and not get too close."

"Yeah I know," I shrugged off what she said. But I knew it was too late, I knew I cared about her a lot already.

….

Carmilla's room felt different today. It could be that she actually was acknowledging me, but it seemed like she was actually looking forward to seeing me. "I've got another book for you."

"You do?" She asked, a little excitedly. She walked over to the table and picked up the book that was on her tray.

"Well we read a couple other Russian books in high school, and for some reason I still had this book."

"_One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich_," she read, and then flipped the book over.

"See you can say the name. That's why you get through these books."

Carmilla smiled, still reading the back cover. "Did you get through this one?"

"Barely." She laughed a little and I smiled. "I should finish giving out breakfasts."

"Thanks for this," she said looking up at me.

"It's no problem," I said.

"I mean it: thank you." We continued to just look at each other.

"I'll see you in an hour," I finally said, breaking the silence.

I turned and began to walk away. "Laura," she said quietly.

I turned to look at her again, "yeah?"

Carmilla opened her mouth a little and then closed it and looked down at the book. "Nothing," she looked up again. I nodded a little and then walked out of her room.

….

"So Hannah loved you," Danny said resting her back against the fence.

"Well I am pretty lovable," I said and Danny rolled her eyes. "No she seems really great. Thanks for having me over."

"Oh it was no problem."

"Shouldn't you be at your station?"

Danny waved her hand and scoffed a little. "Kirsch is fine. I don't see anyone going near the pool."

"See I can't see the pool from here." Danny laughed.

"If you want, there are some great products on the Internet to make you taller."

"I will definitely look into that."

"I think it will be a great investment."

"I should start sending patients to the pool so that you leave me alone."

"Speaking of which," Danny started looking behind me.

I turned to see Carmilla walking towards us. "Hey," I said a little too excitedly.

"Hey," she said, looking between me and Danny.

"Oh. Danny this is Carmilla, Carmilla this is Danny."

They both said hi to each other. "Well, I should probably get back to my station, I'll see you later Hollister." Danny said and then jogged back to the pool.

"Getting some fresh air?"

"I guess," Carmilla sighed. "I finished the book."

"I gave it to you this morning."

"Yeah, it wasn't that hard of a read."

"Well look at you," I said sarcastically. She smirked a little. "I thought it would take you longer, that's why I gave it to you before the weekend."

"It was only this thick," she used her thumb and index finger to show the thickness. "I'm guessing you don't really want to talk about it."

"I could, but I'd be making things up." Carmilla smiled. I smiled back at her; her smile was very contagious. "So um, are you going to the movie tonight?"

"Isn't it some old people movie?" She said, making a face.

"I think it's a Disney movie," Carmilla made another face. "The grandkids come and watch it with their grandparent."

"Still, I think I'll pass." She bit her lip a little. "Are you going?"

"Well if my date stands me up like they did last week."

"I'm sorry about that," Carmilla looked me in the eyes when she said that. "I know you aren't just here for your resume. I can tell that you actually do want to help."

"Thanks."

"I mean I guess I'd consider going to the movie if you were there."

"Are you asking me to see the movie with you?"

Carmilla looked away a little, "maybe."

"I'll be at the movie."

"Then I may see you there," she moved a little closer to me.

I waved at a couple of patients as they walked past us. "You should be careful. The other patients may get jealous that you're monopolizing me."

"Maybe I want them to be jealous," she smiled at me. I smiled back a little awkwardly. "I think I'll go and reread _Ivan Denisovich_." She smiled at me again before walking away.

….

I ran down the stairs, pulling my jacket on. "I'm leaving now!" I called.

"Can you get me some Advil first?" Dad asked.

"Sure," I walked quickly to the kitchen and got the bottle. "Do you have a headache?" I asked handing him the bottle.

"My chest is hurting."

"What kind of hurting?" I asked.

"Like something is squeezing me," his breath was shortening.

"Are you having a heart attack?" I asked, crouching down to look at him better. He was cold, but beginning to profusely sweat. "I'm calling an ambulance."


	5. Five

I knocked on Carmilla's door. Like always, there was no answer. I counted to fifteen and then walked in. "Good morning," I said a little cheerfully. Carmilla just mumbled something in response, like she used to. "Are you okay?"

"Totally," she sneered back at me.

"I guess I'll see you in an hour then." I said and then walked out of her room.

….

"How's your dad doing?" Danny put her arm around me.

"He's good. He'll be in the hospital for another day or so; they want to keep watching him. It wasn't that bad of a heart attack, he was became stable pretty quickly."

"That's good."

"Thanks for covering for me on Friday, I'm sure you had other things."

"Yeah, but it wasn't a big deal. If you need to talk to someone,"

"Thanks," I said again looking at the food in front of me.

"Your friend was at the movie."

"My friend?" I looked at Danny.

"Carmilla."

"Shit. I told her I was going to be there."

"You know she seems pretty healthy to be here."

"It's complicated."

"Do you know if she's ever had any visitors?"

"I don't know. She's a pretty private person, I doubt she would tell me if she did."

"Look Laura: I'm glad you care about her and everything, but don't get too close. If she's pissed at you, it may be for the best. It's a tricky balance here: you want to get close to them, but you know they are going to die soon."

"Everyone is going to die. These people just know around when. But I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die. Is that a reason why we shouldn't be friends?"

"Laura," Danny started but Kirsch walked through the door.

"Danny, Hollis," he said to each of us.

"Why are you here?" Danny asked as he sat down across from us.

"It's pouring outside," he said as if it was the most obvious thing.

"There aren't any windows in here?" I looked around the room, just noticing the lack of windows.

"I'm sorry about your dad, Laura."

"Thanks, he's doing good. He won't be able to work for a while, but it will be good for him to take a break."

"That's good then."

"If you want you can come and see Mr. Roberts with me today," Danny suggested. "You can laugh at the idea of someone thinking I'm straight."

"That does sound fun."

"And if it's raining, it should be fine."

"I look forward to it then."

"Heads up: he'll probably assume you're straight."

"I like guys too, so I won't be that offended."

"Very true."

….

Carmilla was giving me the same cold shoulder response that she had given me earlier. I tried to figure out what to say, but I didn't know how best to talk to her. "I'm really sorry about Friday. My dad needed to go to the hospital."

"It's whatever," Carmilla said walking to the sink.

"I didn't think you were actually going to go to the movie."

"Can you just drop it? I said its no big deal, so just let it be."

"Okay," I said. "I'll see you around then." She mumbled something as I left her room.

I finished cleaning up the lunches and then went downstairs where Danny was waiting by the elevator. "You okay?" She asked.

"Totally," I lied and followed her to a room.

She knocked on the door, and then walked in. "Hello Mr. Roberts," Danny said as we walked into his room. His room was smaller and his bed actually looked like a hospital bed. "This is Laura," se motioned at me. I waved a little and greeted hi. He mumbled something in response. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugged a little. "You know Danielle, my grandson is about your age." She walked over to him and started to readjust his pillows. "He's a good looking young man."

"I'm sure he is," Danny looked at me and smiled.

"Now he didn't join the navy like his father and I did. But he is fairly successful."

"What does he do?" She refilled his cup with water.

"He's an engineer."

"That's nice."

"Next time he is here, you should come."

"I will be sure to. Anything else you need?"

"Turn off the TV. Someone set it to that Liberal crap and I don't need that."

"Sure," Danny winked at me and then went over to turn the TV off. I managed to muffle my laughter. "I'll see you later Mr. Roberts." She said walking over to me.

"Nice to meet you," I said and then followed her out. "Danielle?" I asked as soon as the door closed.

"Shut up Hollister," she snapped back quickly.

"Am I getting an invite to your wedding?"

"I'm glad this cheered you up."

"Yeah, Carmilla's pissed. She claims she doesn't care that I wasn't at the movie."

"Laura,"

"And I'm not obsessing over this. I'm whatever about it. So don't worry about me being too attached."

"Okay," Danny said a little apprehensively.

….

My dad made a face as he took his first sip of soup, and made a face. "Can you try and steal some salt from the cafeteria, this is bland."

"No. You are supposed to be watching your sodium intake."

"Fine," he said a little angrily and continued to eat his soup. "How's work going?"

"It's going well."

"That's good." I looked away from him and watched the second hand on the clock. "What's wrong?"

"Just thinking?"

"About what? You look upset."

I looked back at him. "This patient is just very confusing. We were getting along really well, and now she's really pissed off. I don't know if she's pissed at me, or just everything. And I know I shouldn't be getting too attached, but I'm worried about her." He nodded. "She doesn't really have anyone. I've never seen or heard about someone visiting her, and she's been there almost a month. She's my age too."

"You're a very caring person Laura. Sometimes you care too much. Like not getting me salt," I glared at him. "I wish I could tell you what to do, or how to fix it. Maybe it is for the best, and you can distance yourself."

"That's what Danny said."

"But if you don't want to do that, then I am sure you will figure it out."

I hit my head against the back of my chair a little. "What if I just don't deal with this? What if I just stay home with your for the rest of the summer?"

"You could do that. But if I know my daughter, and I think I do. I'm guessing you would be thinking about your patients the entire time. You'd feel guilty about how you left everything with Carmilla." I looked at my dad confused. "Honey, you've talked about her a lot the past couple of weeks. I'm not that clueless." I bit my lip a little. "You clearly care about this girl a lot, and whether or not you should is one thing. But if your heart wants you to figure it out, and work things out; my guess is that is what you will do."

"I love you dad," I said.

"I love you too, Laura."

* * *

AN: So thanks everyone who is reading and enjoying this. My plan is to be updating Monday and Thursday nights (probs like 5ish EST).


	6. Six

Mr. Roberts had the old man equivalent of a resting bitch face. When I walked through his door, he just mumbled something that I couldn't hear. "Danny has a doctor's appointment so I am filling in for her." He didn't say anything. "Do you need anything?"

"Would you turn on the TV, my soap is almost on."

"Which one do you watch?"

"_Days of our Lives_."

"When I was younger, I used to watch some of _The Young and the Restless_ with my mom."

"Ah, that one's crap." He said as I turned on the TV.

"I didn't understand what happened most of the time."

"It's all trash anyways. Girl like you should be out doing more important things."

"Like what?"

"Finding a good husband."

"That's it?"

"Well what else is there?"

"Do you have any granddaughters?"

"Two,"

"And that's what you tell them? Go and find a husband to take care of them?"

"Well that's what they need to do. The older one, Jessica is married with a baby on the way."

"Don't you want them to do what they want to do to be happy?"

"Raising a family, that is what will make them happy."

"But there's more to life than just getting married and having kids." He muttered something in response about women's roles. "Why do you think women are less than men?"

"Look at them," he motioned to the TV. "They just do stupid things."

"That's fiction." He shrugged a little. I figured that meant he was done talking about it. "What do you think about?"

"What?"

"I mean you have a lot of time on your hands, what do you think about?"

"My life, Vietnam,"

"I didn't know you were in Vietnam."

"I was, I was in the Navy."

"What else do you think about?"

"My kids and grandkids, there's five of them. Youngest one, Sophie, just turned 12. I'm only really here half the time anyways, so I try and think about the happy things when I can."

"Do you have any regrets?"

"Same one everyone seems to have; that I didn't love enough, or that I didn't say it enough. But I've lived a long life; I've done a lot. I don't regret much."

….

I walked out of the kitchen, towards the sliding glass doors to go outside.

"Hollister!" I turned to see Danny jogging over to me.

"Hey. How was the doctor?"

"Same old. Gynecologist appointments are so easy for lesbians."

I laughed. "I can imagine."

"Did Roberts give you crap?"

"He's actually not that horrible of a guy."

"Yeah?"

"I feel like most of the patients are like that. They may seem pissy or bitter or whatever, but they are just trying to figure it all out. They don't have anything else to do but reflect on their lives. The good, the bad, their regrets. Plus they have to try accept the fact that they are dying, and say goodbye to the people they love. Each has different ways of dealing with that." Danny was smiling at me. "You already knew that. Didn't you?"

"Kinda," she nodded. "But it was great seeing a psych major realize it."

"That was some life lesson I needed to learn?"

"I just figured it would mean more if you realized it on your own."

"So he's not actually sexist and stuff?"

"Oh no, he is. But he isn't a bad guy. Sure I may change his Fox News, but when he tries to set me up with his grandson, I know he is doing it for somewhat good reasons."

"I see."

"Patients here are complicated. Five stages of grief and all that." I sat down on the bench. "Look: I don't understand this whole thing with Carmilla." She sat down next to me and put her arm around me. "But there is a lot going on with her, her emotions will change a lot while she is here, and it won't get easier. I can tell that you care about her, and you want to see her happy. But that may not be what she needs. You have to see what she needs so that she is at peace. For some people that means being surrounded by loved ones. For others, they want to be alone. You just have to respect their wishes."

"Okay," I looked at Danny and she smiled at me a little.

….

I was about to knock on Carmilla's door, but I heard voices from inside. "Is she ever going to come?" I heard her ask, muffled by the door.

"You know she's busy," a male voice said.

"She sent me here, and she can't be bothered to come."

"It's complicated Carmilla."

"I've been here a month, this is the first time you've gotten around to showing up."

"What do you want us to do? Should we stop our lives because you have cancer? You've had it for a while."

"Really I didn't know that." There was a pause. "You guys act like I've already died! Or that I'm some inconvenience for you."

"I don't know what to tell you."

"Why are you even here? You clearly don't want to be."

"I'm bringing _you_ the things _you _asked for."

"Well, I am so sorry that mom was too busy to waste an hour of her life visiting her dying child, so you had to come."

"This is so like you."

"What, dying of cancer?"

It sounded like there were footsteps coming towards the door. I didn't know what to do so I just knocked. The room fell silent. After fifteen seconds I opened the door and walked in a little awkwardly, trying to pretend that I hadn't been listening. Not too far away, there was a guy that looked to be a year or two younger than me. He looked kind of like Carmilla; he was probably her brother.

"I'll see you around," he said to Carmilla and then walked past me and out the door.

"What?" Carmilla muttered looking at me.

"Nothing," I said quickly, hoping my face didn't give away the fact I eavesdropped. "Was that your brother or something?"

"Yeah," Carmilla said a little angrily.

"I didn't know you had a brother."

"Well there's a lot about me you don't know, sweetheart." She snapped. "And just because you were probably listening in on my conversation, doesn't make us buddies."

"I wasn't," I started.

"Just save it." She muttered and sat down. "Hopefully my cancer will speed up. Then you all can have your normal lives back."

"I don't want you to die."

"Well good thing you're working at a hospice center, you'll never have to deal with death here."

"What is your problem?"

"Excuse me?"

"Things were going well, and then you just became pissed off again. You claim its not about me not being here for that movie."

"It's not. Its not all about you!"

"Then what is it about?"

"Don't worry about it." She stood up, and started to walk away. It looked like she was loosing her footing, I rushed over to her as she started to loose her balance.

"Carmilla?" I asked catching her as she fell. "Carmilla?" I asked again. I carefully laid her down and then went to her bed and pressed the button to call a nurse.

Carmilla was laying on the floor, still passed out and I checked her breathing.

The door opened and I turned to see Perry walking in. "What happened?"

"We were talking, she stood up and then passed out."

"I'll go get a doctor, turn her on her side."

"I'm just turning you a little," I said to Carmilla in case she woke up.

I began to turn her, "Laura?" She asked quietly.

"I'm here, we are just getting a doctor. Can you stay awake?"

"Laura," she said again, and then her eyes closed.


	7. Seven

AN: I just finished chapter 11 this weekend. So I'll keep up the biweekly schedule. You can also follow me on twitter I sometimes tweet funny things. cshaw221

* * *

Carmilla was lying in her bed, connected to a couple of machines that looked to be monitoring her heart rate and other vitals. She looked over at me, lifting her head a little.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Hey," she said just as loudly as I walked over to her.

"Did you sleep alright?"

"I guess. I don't know why they are freaking out so much. I passed out; I've done it before. It's just something that happens."

"They are just taking every precaution. You sure you are okay?"

"Yes, you can relax about me."

"Its kinda hard to relax after a person passes out right in front of you."

"You don't need to worry about me." I moved a chair so it was near the side of her bed. "Focus on your job."

"My job is to take care of you."

"You can focus on the patients that actually need help."

"Okay," I said sitting down. Carmilla raised her eyebrow at me. "Was that your way of telling me to leave?"

She smirked, "maybe a little."

"It's going to take more than that to get rid of me."

"Do you think you saved my life or something?"

"What?"

"Like you caught me, so now I owe you. Which is why I should talk to you."

I didn't know how to respond, but she smiled and I knew she was kidding. "I mean I did catch you."

Carmilla laughed a little. "I'm sorry about your dad," she finally said.

"My dad?"

"The tall ginger you hang out with told me he had a heart attack."

"Thanks."

"How's he doing?"

"He's good; he's back home now. He is supposed to be relaxing, but I'm sure he has figured out something to do to stay productive."

"I'm glad he's doing well. You must be tired of taking care of people."

"A little, but I like it."

"Up to a point I'm sure."

"I guess I haven't reached that point." Carmilla smiled at me and I smiled back at her.

….

I walked out through the sliding glass door to the pool deck to see Danny sitting up in the lifeguard chair. "I didn't think you actually sat there."

"Every now and then I like to feel extra tall." She took off her sunglasses, and hopped down. "What's up?"

"Not much," I said. "I'm stationed here, so there's that."

"Where's Kirsch?"

"Dentist."

"Oh," she dragged out the word. "How's Carmilla doing?"

"Well they are no longer watching her vitals as carefully. She's supposed to stay in bed for the rest of the week, but I'm guessing she's been walking around."

"I think you have that restlessness effect on people."

"I guess I do. If you get hurt or something, can you actually listen to the doctor?"

"Alright," she exhaled dramatically.

"Thank you." I paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to phrase my thoughts. "Thanks."

"What for?"

"Talking to Carmilla."

"What?"

"She told me you told her about my dad and stuff. Well she said the tall ginger I hang out with. I figured she meant you."

Danny smiled. "Well I didn't talk to her much, it was just a minute. I saw how upset you seemed, and even though I think you guys are getting too close, I figured it would make both of you happy."

"Well thanks. It does mean a lot."

"Laura!" I turned and saw Perry standing at the sliding glass door.

"See ya," I said to Danny and then jogged over to Perry.

"LaFontaine wants to see you during your break."

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"Yes."

"Do you know why?"

"They didn't say, they just said that they wanted to talk to you."

"Awesome. Thanks."

I walked back over to Danny, smiling widely. "Well you are clearly in a lot of trouble," she said glancing at me.

"LaFontaine wants to see me during break."

"Who?"

"They are one of the main grief counselors here."

"Oh right. But that's great, that's what you want to do right?"

"Ideally, yeah."

….

I walked down into the lobby of the counseling center and sat in one of the chairs, staring at LaFontaine's door. There was a woman sitting a couple of seats away from me, reading a magazine. The door opened and a young boy ran out and over to the woman.

LaFontaine walked out of their office, saw me and smiled. Then they walked over to the woman and they talked for a minute. I took a couple of deep breaths and then LaFontaine turned to me. "Come in to my office?" I stood up and walked into their office. Like most other therapy rooms, the furniture all looked to be pretty comfortable. I sat down on the couch, as LaFontaine sat in one of the chairs across from me. "It's nice to see you again."

"You too."

"How has your summer been going?"

"It's been going pretty well. It's been hard to see the patients die, but I haven't seen that many die."

"It's always hard," they said. "I recently started with a new family, and I was wondering if you would be interested in sitting in on a session or two."

"Yes, definitely."

"They are coming back on Friday, and I thought you could come here after doing your lunch rounds."

"That works. Is there anything I should do to prepare?"

"I don't think so. I can tell you more about the family on Friday." They started to stand up.

I stood up as well. "Thank you so much," I said shaking their hand.

"This will hopefully be a good experience for you."

"Hopefully," I said and then walked out of their office.

I glanced at my watch; it was almost time to collect the lunches. I walked towards the elevator and went to the third floor. Carmilla's room wasn't that far from the west side elevator. I knocked on her door, counted to fifteen and then walked in.

"What's up with you?" She asked walking away from her table.

"I get to sit in on a therapy session later in the week."

"That's amazing." She said. We were only a foot or so apart now.

"I'll get to see what its really like from the other side."

"I'm really happy for you."

We looked each other in the eyes for a moment. "What?" I began to ask, but Carmilla pulled me into her, her hands on my checks. We pulled apart after a moment. "I'm sorry," she said.

"What?"

"I shouldn't have done that." Carmilla looked away from me.

"Carm," I started.

"It's not fair. I mean I like you; and I know you like me, but no."

"Carm," I said again.

"I'll be dead in a couple of months. You'll be back at school."

"Carmilla," she looked at me again. "I know all of that. And I still want to be with you."

"I hurt people, Laura. I don't want to hurt you."

"So what you are going to die in a couple of months? My dad just had a heart attack at fifty. I'm going to die sometime too. I just have no idea when it will be. And I want you to be happy for the rest of yours."

"But I don't want you to be hurt afterwards. You need to think about yourself first."

"I will cross that when it comes. But right now," I pulled Carmilla back into me. She was hesitant at first and then her hands found my waist.


	8. Eight

"Hollis!" Kirsch said clapping me on the back a little.

"Hi Kirsch."

"What are you doing over here Hollister?" Danny asked.

"Just thought I would say 'hi' before going to the tennis courts."

"Super fun," Danny said and I rolled my eyes.

I looked at Kirsch a little awkwardly and he looked between me and Danny. "I'll go and check the leaf trap." He said and then walked away.

"What's up?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah," she shrugged.

"Carmilla kissed me."

"What?" She yelled a little. We both looked around and then she continued, whispering. "What?"

"Don't freak out."

"How could she kiss you?"

"I kissed her back."

"How could you kiss her?"

"I really like her."

"Laura, this is not good on so many levels."

"Well I actually checked the handbook thing, and it never actually states that relationships between personnel and patients is forbidden."

"That's because most patients are on the brink of death." She paused. "And that's another thing, she's dying. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that she is really cute, and that I like her."

"Dude, this is not good."

"I don't see why you are making this a big deal."

"Hello: she's dying. I was worried you guys were becoming too close of friends. But this, what even is this?"

"I have no idea."

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, but this does not seem like a good idea."

"I don't even know what is going on."

"You may want to figure that out, and figure out what is best for you. I know you want her to be happy for the rest of her life, but you need to think about yourself. You are your first priority."

"Yeah, yeah. I should go." I started to walk away.

"Laura," I turned and looked at Danny. "Be careful."

"I will," I said and she gave me a small smile.

….

I didn't even bother knocking today when I walked into Carmilla's room to bring her lunch. She looked over at me from her bed where she had been reading. "Hi," she said slowly. Carmilla put a piece of paper in the book and then closed it, putting it on the bedside table.

"What is this?"

"That's my lunch," she pointed at the tray in my hands. She sat up a little to get a better look at it. "It looks to be a grilled chicken breast."

"Not the lunch," I said putting it down on her table. "You and me."

"You're asking what we are?" She got up and walked over to the table to look at her lunch.

"Yes. We kissed yesterday. Multiple times."

"I remember." She poked at the bed of rice with the fork. "The cancer hasn't gotten my brain yet."

"So what's the deal?"

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"How can you be so casual about this?"

"Shit, was I supposed to be proposing, because the gift shop doesn't have much jewelry?"

"Stop making jokes. You kissed me yesterday."

"And then you kissed me," she said sitting down and sliding the tray so that it was in front of her. I glared at her a little. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," I said sitting down in the chair next to hers.

"Don't you have other patients?"

"I gave them all their lunches first. Don't change the subject."

"I like you, you like me. But you're the one that will still be alive in five months. It's all up to you."

"Why?" I whined a little and put my head down on the table.

After a moment, Carmilla stroked my hair a little. "I wish this wasn't the situation, but it is."

"Yeah," I said muffled against the table.

"What ever you want to do, I am okay with that."

I sat back up straight. "Why are you so understanding all of a sudden?"

She raised her eyebrow a little. "I just don't think its fair for me to decide anything."

"Do you like me?" I asked. Carmilla bit her lip a little and nodded. "And I like you," I said slowly. "I want to be with you."

"You know what you are getting into?"

I nodded. "I do," I said quietly. She smiled and looked down at her plate a little. "Carm," I said, and she looked back up at me. I leaned into her and our lips met.

….

The chair in LaFontaine's office was a lot less comfortable then it looked. Or I was so nervous, it felt much less comfortable to me. They looked over as I readjusted myself in the chair for the fourth time. "Are you okay?"

"Just a little nervous, I guess." I shrugged and looked at the clipboard in my lap.

"You don't have anything to worry about. You won't be talking to them all that much. Just observe." I nodded and took a deep breath. "It's a lot like when you talk to patients, it's just a different setting."

"Okay," I took another deep breath.

"How's it going with the patients you see?"

"Uh," I started. My mind instantly went to Carmilla. I had spent the hour between delivering and picking up lunches in her room. "It's going good."

As if they were reading my mind. "Is Ms. Karnstein one of your patients?"

"Yeah," I said, wondering if they could actually read it.

"Perry and I have tried to get her to come in, or have me go and see her. But she's refused."

"She's not a therapy type of person." LaFontaine nodded. "She's doing well though. Her moods been pretty good the past couple of days."

"That's good." There was a knock on the door and LaFontaine walked over to greet a woman and her daughter that looked to be around seven or eight. "This is Laura," they motioned to me. "Laura, this is Cindy." They motioned to the woman. "And this is Samantha." They motioned to the girl.

"Nice to meet you," I said shaking Cindy's hand.

They sat down on the couch across from us and I watched as they talked. LaFontaine knew exactly what to say and how to get Samantha to talk. Her father was currently in a coma. I was totally impressed with their ability to read both Cindy and Samantha. It was what I knew I needed to be able to do.

….

My dad sat in his recliner in the living room. He still protested most of the food I was giving him, but he wasn't trying to do too much during the day. "How's it going with Carmilla?"

I coughed on the soup I had just put in my mouth. "What?"

"You've seemed happier the past couple of days, so I'm guessing you guys are getting along."

"Yeah," I nodded. "We're getting along well."

"That's good. It's been nice seeing you so happy."

I had debated about telling him what was actually going on. But I wasn't sure how he would respond. I'm guessing dating a hospice patient isn't in most parenting books. He probably wouldn't know what to say. I know I wouldn't. All I knew was how happy Carmilla had been making me. It was fun to hang out in her room and talk, or watch whatever crappy shows were on TV. There was the other stuff, which was great too. But that wasn't what I really cared about. I just knew she really cared about me, and that was an amazing feeling.

"You okay?" he asked. I realized I had been grinning like an idiot.

"Yeah, just thinking."


	9. Nine

I knocked on Carmilla's door and counted to fifteen. I made sure the door closed behind me before walking into her room. "You know you don't need to knock," she said as I put her tray down on the table.

"I feel like I should give you a heads up. You could be changing."

"I don't see the problem," she winked at me. "I'm kidding. But you really don't need to keep knocking."

"It will look weird if someone walks by as I just walk in."

"Fair enough," Carmilla shrugged and took my hand in hers. "Come here," she pulled me into her a little so that our lips met.

….

"Look who finally bothered to show up to a meal." Danny said as I sat down next to her.

"Shut up," I muttered.

"I'm sure you are doing very important things," she nudged me a little with her elbow.

"Danny," I said looking around the room.

"No one's here. Kirsch has been asking about you though."

"What did you say?"

"That you were with Carmilla."

"Danny! I thought we were keeping that between us."

"I didn't say that you were probably up there making out. I just said you guys hung out a lot and get along well."

"Okay, good."

"Calm down. I haven't told anyone."

"Thanks."

"So what is going on?"

"It's hard to explain. Like we're together. But not actually."

Danny shook her head a little. "Does your dad know?"

"Yeah. 'Dad I have a new girlfriend. I'd love for you to meet her, but you'll have to come visit me at work since she has terminal cancer.' That's not a conversation I feel like having."

"So I'm the only one that knows?"

"You're the only one I've told."

"Does the fact that you need to keep it a secret tell you anything? Laura, I really don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself."

"You don't know what it's like. You haven't been really close to a patient that has died yet. It's one thing when you're close to them, but you…" Danny paused. "I can tell you are falling for her."

"So what if I am? I appreciate your concern Danny. But I know what I am doing. I've dealt with death before."

"I hope you're right." I nodded, hoping that I was right.

….

Carmilla was sitting on her bed, cross-legged, reading her copy of _Crime and Punishment_. "Hey," I said putting her lunch down.

"Hey," she didn't look up at me.

"I didn't know you had glasses."

She shrugged. "I only wear them occasionally."

"Well, they look pretty sexy on you." I could tell she was trying really hard not to smirk. I walked over to her and took the book from her hands. Carmilla mumbled something, but I leaned into her, kissing her.

She pulled away. "Take away my book again and I'll kill you, Hollis," she said quietly.

"I think I'll take my chances," she leaned up and we kissed again, this time it was rougher. I pulled away a little and began to kiss her neck as she angled her head a little for me. She had uncrossed her legs and they were now wrapped around my waist, pulling me into her more. Her hands were on my checks and in my hair, mine around her neck.

I moved my arms and pulled away from her completely. She protested a little, her legs still around my body. "Lay down," I said quietly. Carmilla unwrapped her legs and obeyed me. I climbed onto the bed, overtop of her and reattached our lips.

I began to explore her body. My hands moved down to her jeans, to try and find the button. Carmilla pulled away a little. "We can't," she said quietly. "I want to. I really want to. But it's too risky."

"What do you mean?"

"Even if it's not technically against the rules, I'm assuming no one else knows about us. We can't risk anyone walking in on us. Fifteen seconds is not enough time to cover anything. Besides, do you really want to do it here?"

"But I want to be with you. I want to feel you."

"And I want to too. But I don't want it to be this way."

"Okay," I leaned back into the bed.

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad." And I wasn't.

"Laura,"

"I swear I'm not mad. It's just," my voice faded. "This is just hard."

"I know it is, and I wish it wasn't." I nodded. "I'm sorry, Cupcake."

"It's not your fault," I ignored her stupid nickname.

"I still feel bad."

"Don't." I leaned back up and tucked some of her hair behind her ear. She smiled at me a little sheepishly. I kissed her again and felt her smile grow even more. "How about we watch stupid Spanish Soap Opera's?"

"That sounds perfect," she said and she moved so that she was lying next to me, and put her arm around my shoulders. I rested my head against her.

….

The nurses' station was almost empty except for Perry who was sitting in front of one of the computers. I leaned against the ledge, resting my elbow on the counter. "How is it going Laura?" She asked glancing up at me.

"It's going," I shrugged.

"Do you need anything?"

I paused, trying to figure out how to phrase my question. "If a patient wanted to leave for an afternoon; what's the policy on that?"

"They just need to check in and out. Assuming they are able to get around fine."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Why?"

"Uh, Carmilla was asking me about it. There's someplace she wanted to go on Saturday."

"She just needs to get a ride and she can sign herself out."

"I'll let her know." I pushed myself off of the ledge and began to walk away.

"Laura," I turned to face Perry. "Remember what I told you your first day."

"I know," I nodded and then walked back to Carmilla's room.


	10. Ten

AN: I know that last chapter was kinda short. But hopefully this chapter makes up for it.

* * *

"Are you going to tell me where we are going?" Carmilla asked as we got to my car.

"Nope," I smiled as she glared at me. "Hey, I could blindfold you."

"I didn't picture you as a kinky type, Hollis."

"Shut up," I pushed her a little and then started the car.

I pulled into a hotel parking lot that was a little less than half an hour away from the hospital. I had figured that this would be a good distance. "Are we coming from prom or something?"

"I don't know what kind of after prom you had." I said getting out of the car. Carmilla just smirked at me a little. "Hopefully your after prom wasn't like this."

"What did you do?" She asked slowly following me to the entrance. It was my turn to give her a sly grin. "Seriously what did you do?" She asked as we walked from the elevator down the hall.

"You'll see." I said as I opened up the door to the room. She followed me in and looked around to see dozens of lit candles around the room. Carmilla didn't say anything; she just continued to look around. "Is this too cheesy? I was afraid it would be."

"It's perfect," she said quietly. I smiled, and I knew she was too. "Is that champagne?"

"Yes. But first we have lunch."

"Lunch?" She asked turning to face me.

I nodded and motioned to the table that she hadn't noticed. It was also lit with candles. It was set with two plates each with what looked like balls of tin foil on them. She walked over to the chair I held out for her and she sat down. I sat down across from her and began to unwrap the foil. "I remember you said that what you really missed was a good burger. So I thought you would rather have that then some cliché fancy meal."

"Thanks," she said unwrapping her own. "I mean nothing is more romantic than greasy beef with cheese in between bread."

"Fries?" I asked offering the bag.

Carmilla just started to laugh and took the bag, taking a handful out and putting them on her plate. "How did you do this? These are fresh."

"A friend lives right around the corner and left about a minute before we got here."

"You are incredible. No one has ever done something like this for me before."

"Well they aren't expecting you back until tomorrow. We still have a lot of time."

"I'll make sure I repay you," I felt my face turn a little red.

We finished our food and I got the bottle of champagne and opened it, pouring each of us a glass. "To us?" I half toasted a little unsurely.

"To us." She repeated smiling.

I finished my glass and looked at her as she took her final sip as well. I took a deep breath. "Carmilla I lo-"

"No," she said abruptly.

"What?"

"Don't say it. It's not fair for you to say it."

"It's my decision if I say it. It's my decision on what's fair."

"I'm the one with cancer."

"I don't care that you have cancer. Yes you have cancer, and you're dying from it. But that doesn't mean we have to focus on it all the time. You started to like me when I treated you like anyone else, not as another patient. Why is it different now?"

"I don't want to hurt you Laura!" She took a deep breath. "I was hesitant in the first place because I care about you, and even though I won't see it, I know you'll be hurt."

"But I want to be with you. I don't want to regret not being with you because I was scared." I took her hands in mine. "I know you have cancer. And I know you are dying. But when it's me and you, we don't have to focus on that. Because I love you, Carmilla Karnstein, and your cancer does not change that. And for the next couple hours, we don't need to worry about the cancer or anything else. Just you and me."

"I love you too," she said smiling. A smile that was just so contagious, that I couldn't help but get a goofy grin. She glanced at the bed and then back at me. "Want to move to the bed?"

I nodded and we both stood up and walked to the bed, still holding hands. I stood up a little on my tippy toes so that I could kiss her and wrapped my hands around her back. Carmilla's hands ran down my side as the kiss deepened.

Her hands found the hem of my shirt and she pulled away a little. We looked at each other; I was staring in her darker brown eyes. I nodded a little, biting my lip. Carmilla pulled up my shirt and I raised my hands a little to help her take it off. We looked at each other for another moment. I watched her eyes move down my body. I leaned into her again and kissed her, rougher this time. She pushed me a little so that we were falling down on the bed, her on top of me. We continued to kiss and her hands cupped my breasts through the fabric of the bra.

Carmilla pulled away again, she was now standing on her knees, one on either side of me. She pulled her own shirt off and tossed it to the side before bending back down and kissing my neck. My hands went behind her back and felt for her bra. I fumbled on the clasp for a second before undoing it. Carmilla maneuvered a little so that her bra was fully off, but didn't stop her attack on my neck.

I put my hands on either side of her face and guided it so that our lips met again. She smiled into it and moved her hands down to undo my bra. I arched my back up some and she got it off in a quick motion. I took my opportunity and rolled us over so that I was on top. I moved down her body, kissing her chin, then neck, then chest, until I was right above her right breast. I circled her nipple a couple times with my tongue before sucking on her breast a little. She arched her back up, pressing herself into me more.

I continued to kiss and suck as her hands moved down to my jeans. Undoing the button and then pulling down the fly. I pulled away a little and helped pull my jeans off completely. I leaned down and undid the button on her jeans and with her help, pulled them off. Carmilla grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled me back down into her.

We continued to kiss and my hand ran across her underwear, feeling that they were wet. I began to rub her through the fabric of her underwear. Carmilla's hand went to mine, beginning to pull her own underwear down. I ran my fingers through her now exposed folds.

"You're so wet," I said against her lips. She tried to roll us over again but I pinned her down and sat up straight.

"Laura," Carmilla panted out a little.

I moved down a little as I inserted two fingers and began to pump them. Slowly at first, quickly picking up speed. Carmilla's hands reached for me and grabbed the only thing she could reach, my hair. I kissed the inside of her thigh, getting closer and closer to where my hand was. I circled dangerously close to her clit a couple of times with my tongue before I actually licked it. Carmilla let out a loud moan and I smirked to my self a little as I added a third finger.

"Laura," she said again. I could feel her tightening around my fingers as I curled them. Her grip on my hair tightened and I began to suck around her clit, flicking it with my tongue. "Fuck! Laura!" She said right before her body began to shake. I slowed my speed a little, continuing as she rode out her orgasm.

I had barely pulled out of her before she pushed me down so that I was lying on my back. Carmilla had gotten on her knees and pulled my underwear off in one quick motion. She leaned down and I felt her lick my entrance. She moved back up and kissed me, bringing my right hand closer to our faces. Carmilla pulled away a little and guided my hand to me. I licked my fingers a little, tasting Carmilla. She smiled and then took my hand so that she could lick my fingers.

Carmilla moved back down and began to kiss my chest as she entered me. Her lips had found my breast as she continued to pump her fingers in me. I leaned my head up a little to see she was working two hands, her other rubbing tight circles on my clit. I could feel myself getting closer and I tangled my fingers in her hair, needing her to be even closer. She pressed on my clit and I felt the wave of pleasure take over.

I opened my eyes, chest moving heavily. Carmilla was sitting cross-legged in-between my legs, licking off her fingers. She smiled at me. I sat up and leaned back into her, reattaching our lips. I could taste myself on her breath, and I knew she could taste herself. We both smiled even more into the kiss.


	11. Eleven

I opened my eyes to see the red glowing from the alarm clock on the nightstand. I rubbed my eyes a little with my right hand and took in the half drunk glass of champagne that was next to the lamp. My shirt was hanging on the desk chair that was pulled away from the desk and was facing outward to the door.

"Morning," I heard faintly behind me.

I rolled over to see Carmilla laying a couple of inches from me. "Good morning."

Carmilla leaned into me and kissed me. "How'd you sleep?"

"Amazingly."

"I guess you were pretty worn out after last night," she smirked a little. I rolled my eyes a little and she laughed. I bit my bottom lip a little. "What?" She asked, concerned.

"Just thinking." She didn't say anything, so I continued. "I want to tell my dad."

"About us?"

"Yeah. I feel like he'd understand."

"I told you, everything is up to you. It's your decision who knows and who doesn't."

"He'll understand. What if he doesn't? What if he freaks out? What if he has another heart attack? I can't give my father a heart attack."

"Laura!" Carmilla said and I looked in her eyes. "I highly doubt you will give your dad a heart attack."

"What if he freaks out?"

"Then he freaks out. It's up to you. I don't know your dad; and I don't know your relationship with him. I haven't told anyone about us. But I don't have anyone to tell. It is your decision and I will support you no matter what."

"Thanks," I said shifting in the bed a little.

"Come here," she said and extended her arms so that I could curl into her. Carmilla kissed my temple. This was perfect: laying in her arms. It felt like we were the only ones in the world, nothing else mattered. "I love you."

Correction: this was perfect.

"I love you too," I said smiling. And I knew she was too.

….

Dad was sitting in his recliner reading the paper as I walked down the stairs. "Hey dad," I said a little nervously.

"What's going on?"

"I know you've been concerned about me getting too close to Carmilla."

"It seems like you are spending lot of time with her. I'm glad you aren't spending all of your time babying me."

"I can if you want."

He looked over the paper and glared at me a little. "Laura,"

"I don't know how you are going to feel about this, but I've been seeing her."

"What?" He put down the paper.

"I've been seeing her." He didn't say anything. "Don't get upset dad."

"I'm not Laura, I'm just worried about you."

"I love her dad."

"You love her?" He stood up and paced around the living room. "You love her," he repeated.

"Yes, I love her. And she loves me."

"Look Laura: you're an adult. I can't tell you what to do. All I can do is give you advice and hope that you take it. I've loved seeing you so happy, and I'm glad Carmilla makes you happy. I'm just afraid of what will happen in a couple of months."

"I know you are. But I keep it in mind too. I just thought you'd understand."

"It was different with your mother."

"How? You knew she was going to die young, you knew she had cystic fibrosis."

"But it wasn't months left. I was still able to plan a future with her; our relationship wasn't completely out of a hospital. There is a difference."

"At least I'm not the one who planned on having kids with someone dying."

"That's not fair."

I stood up and faced him. "Is it fair that I pretty much grew up without a mother? Is it fair that you had to deal with my 'girl problems' that you could have easily handed over to mom?"

"I didn't want this life for you, Laura." He walked over to me. "I didn't want you to grow up with out a mother. And I can guarantee I didn't want to be the one to talk to you about periods, and sex."

"Then why did you have me? When you found out mom got pregnant, why didn't you do something else?"

"Because we couldn't. We didn't want to hurt you, when your mom got worse and then died. But seeing you on that sonogram screen, it was incredible. And I don't regret having you one bit. Because you are one of the most incredible people I have ever known, and I am so proud to call you my daughter. I love you Laura, and I just want you to be happy. And if it's Carmilla that does it, then okay."

"Really?"

He nodded, "I understand what you are feeling Laura, and I will be here for you in a couple of months when the time comes. But you do what you need to do."

"I love you too dad." I hugged him and he wrapped his arms around me. I pulled away from him. "Can we do dinner sometime?"

"Dinner?"

"The three of us; I want you to meet her."

"Okay. I'd love to meet her." He smiled at me and I hugged him again.

….

Danny was loading the breakfast trays as I walked through the kitchen. "How was your weekend?"

"My weekend?" I asked slowly as I washed my hands.

"Perry said that you took Carmilla out this weekend."

"Oh yeah, one of the things Carmilla wanted to do before she died was this art museum. So I took her over the weekend."

"Sure."

"Do you think I'm lying?"

"A little. I won't judge you."

I looked around; no one else was in the kitchen. "There's a hotel on the other side of town that we stayed at."

"Scandalous," she said in a mock middle-schooler voice.

"Shut up," I pushed her a little.

"Nah, I get it. Couldn't do it at home since your dad's there, and you didn't want to do it here."

"Basically. It was nice being out of here with her. It felt like we were a real couple."

"Well I would have figured it out cause you have the fucking biggest smile."

"I do?"

"Yeah. You are just radiating the whole 'I've had a crap ton of sex' vibe."

"I didn't know that was a vibe."

"Well it is."

"I told my dad."

"How'd he take it?"

"Better than most parents would I'm guessing. He wasn't thrilled, but he came around. And we are going to get dinner sometime."

"That's great!"

"I just need to tell Carmilla about that."

"Meeting the dad, always a big move."

"Who's meeting your dad?" We both turned to see Kirsch had just walked in.

"Uh," I stammered a little.

"I didn't know you were dating anyone. Especially since you seem to spend all of your time here." He said casually walking to the sink and beginning to wash his hands. "Unless," I looked at Danny. "Do they work here?"

"No it's no one. Just a friend from school coming down for the weekend."

"That's cool." He said and got himself an apple.

"I'm gonna go take breakfast now." I said and pushed my cart out of the kitchen before Kirsch could ask any other questions.

I finished taking everyone their breakfast before knocking on Carmilla's door. Before I could finish counting, the door opened. "Hi," I said surprised.

"Hi," she said back. We just stared at each other for a moment. "Would you like to come in?"

"Sure," I said slowly and walked through the door, holding her tray of food.

"Are you okay?" She asked walking over to me after closing the door.

"Were you waiting for me?"

"No." I looked at her and raised my eyebrow. "I just went to the bathroom."

"Okay," I said a little smugly.

She sat down in front of her breakfast and began to eat the eggs. "Want some?" She offered, her mouth half full.

"No thanks."

"It was so nice having other food the other day. Thank you."

"No problem. Would you want to do that again?"

"Go to a hotel room, or just go out?"

"Well I was thinking we could go out to dinner sometime."

"I think I'd like that very much."

"Great, so the three of us should get dinner sometime this week," I said walking to the sink.

"The three of us?" I turned slowly and saw Carmilla had turned in her chair and was now looking at me.

"Oh yeah, I told my dad about us and suggested we go to dinner together."

"That's how you tell me?"

I bit my bottom lip. "Yeah, that probably wasn't the best way."

"So you told your dad?" I nodded and she stood up. "And we are having dinner?" I nodded again. "Together, the three of us?"

"Unless you don't want to. I totally get it."

"Why wouldn't I want to meet your dad?" She asked walking over to me. "Laura," Carmilla took my hands in hers. "I love you. And I would love to meet your dad. I just didn't think he would want to meet me."

"Well he does. He wasn't that upset when I told him either. Like Danny, he's just worried about me. But he said that he'd support me on what ever I chose to do."

"And you're choosing to do me?" She asked winking.

"Apparently."

I leaned up a little and kissed Carmilla. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her more.


	12. Tweleve

AN: So I've had a couple of REALLY busy weeks so I can't guarantee that there will be new chapters next week. I hope to have time to write a lot, soon. But thank you for reading this, and enjoying it.

* * *

"Hey Perry," I said walking over to the nurses station.

"Laura," she said glancing over a stack of papers.

"I just wanted to give you a heads up that Carmilla is going to be signing out tomorrow night for the evening."

"Oh," she said marking something with her pen.

"Yeah," I said slowly. "She's going to spend the night at home, and since it's on my way, I'll take her there after work and bring her back Friday Morning."

Perry paused and put down her pen. She looked around and saw a couple of nurses at the station as well. "Come with me," she stood up and I followed her into an empty room. "What is going on between you and Ms. Karnstein?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, my hands were behind my back, and I was playing with them nervously.

"It's obvious that you two are close. But how close are you?" She paused. "Laura, are you seeing her?"

"What would happen if I was?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I don't think I've ever seen it happen. I'm not in a position to reprimand you if you two are intimate, and that is not my intention either. I just want to know the truth."

"If I was, you would tell someone. Right?"

"I would look into it. Our main concern is our patients safety."

"I know."

"I just want to know the truth, so that I can protect you. You have done really well this summer; the patients love you, and LaFontaine has said that it seems like you are learning a lot from sitting in on those sessions."

"I am."

"What is the truth? I will talk to other people that can tell me what we are looking at. I won't mention your name. I will try my best to find out what will happen to you."

"Find out what will happen and then I will tell you," I said and turned to leave the room.

"Laura," I stopped and looked back at Perry. "I hope it's worth it." I nodded and walked out of the room and back to the kitchen. I figured it would probably be for the best to put some distance between myself and Carmilla until I heard back from Perry.

….

Danny and Kirsch were supposed to be making the breakfast trays. But when I walked into the kitchen they were busy tossing an apple between them. "Hey Hollister," Danny said glancing at me after throwing the apple back to Kirsch.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"You okay?" Kirsch asked throwing the apple again.

"Yeah," I tried to think of an excuse but luckily Kirsch dropped the apple, taking their attention away from me.

I began to scoop the eggs onto plates as Danny walked over to me. "You okay?" She asked quietly. I shrugged. "Well Perry wants to see you when you get a chance."

"She does?" I asked nervously.

Danny nodded. "Does she know?"

"I haven't confirmed or denied anything yet. She said she would find out what would happen to me if I confirm it. She said that she just wants to protect me and protect Carmilla."

"Well it is her job to protect Carmilla." I shrugged. "You are not eating that." Danny said.

I turned to see Kirsch taking another bite from the apple that they had been throwing. "I washed it."

"Things like that is exactly why I don't like guys."

I laughed a little and finished scooping the eggs out. "What are you doing Kirsch?" I asked glancing at him.

"It's clean. And it only has a couple of small bruises."

"No I meant: are you doing anything for breakfast?"

"Are you asking me out Hollis?"

"No, I was wondering if you could deliver the breakfasts for me?"

"Oh. Sure."

"Thanks," I said and put the spoon back in the empty pan.

"What are you doing?" Danny asked as I started to leave.

"Don't worry about it." I said and then walked to the nurse's station. Perry was sitting at one of the computers. "Danny said you wanted to talk to me."

"Yes, lets go into the other room." She picked up a stack of papers and we walked back into the empty room that we had been in the previous day. "I talked to some people, and I read the rule book."

"And?"

"Well no one I had asked had seen or heard of a patient and someone working here being together. It is not in the rulebook so it is technically not against any rules. So you cannot be fired for it. As a general consensus it seemed to be frowned upon by the people I mentioned it to."

"But not against rules?" I double checked.

"The worst thing is if the patient or their family makes a complaint. Then you can be held responsible. Laura, have you been intimate with Ms. Karnstein?"

"Yes," I finally answered and nodded.

"Anything that has happened between you was consensual?"

"Yes."

"And at any point did you use your position as power, or force?"

"No."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Danny knows."

"My guess is you are going to keep it quiet?"

"Preferably."

"We have some options of what you can do." I nodded and sat down at the table as Perry began to go into detail about what I could do.

We finished talking and I glanced at my watch and saw that I still had fifteen minutes before I needed to be at the tennis courts. I walked to Carmilla's room, knocked on the door and then counted to fifteen.

"Oh, you're done ignoring me?" Carmilla snarked as I walked into her room.

"It's complicated."

"Clearly."

"But it's over now."

"What ever _it_ was."

"Perry asked me if we were together. I talked to her and I didn't confirm or deny anything until I knew for sure what would happen. I thought it would be better if I kept some distance while that all happened. I didn't want you to have to deal with all of that."

"So what's going on?"

"Well, we decided that it wasn't worth making it a big deal as I only have a little over two weeks left of this internship."

"And everything's okay?"

"As long as you don't plan on suing me or the hospital, Perry said I can't get fired for it."

"How did Perry figure it out?"

"Well I did mention that you were signing out over night again tonight."

"I am?"

"Well I figured it would just be easier if you came home after dinner, then I wouldn't have to drive all the way back here."

"Okay," she said slowly.

"My dad doesn't care. And he's actually going bowling with his friends after dinner so he'll be gone for a couple of hours. I hope you don't mind."

"I get to spend the night with you. How could I mind?" She stuck her fingers in the belt loops of my jeans and pulled me into her. I smiled as our lips met. It wasn't long before she was pulling me into her more, as she sat down on her bed.

I broke the kiss so that I could get on to the bed fully. Carmilla rolled us over so that she was on top as we continued to kiss.

"Oh shit, sorry."

Carmilla practically leapt off me like a cat. I turned to see Kirsch standing there. "Heard of knocking?" She snarled a little.

"I did knock. You probably didn't hear it over the TV. But I knocked and counted and everything."

"It's okay." I said, putting my hand on her shoulder, hoping to calm her down. She nodded a little, and her shoulders relaxed a little. I stood up and walked closer to Kirsch. "I'm not breaking any rules."

"So you two," he stuttered a little, motioning between us.

"Yes. Yes, we are a thing."

"And it's not against any rules?"

"It's not. Danny and Perry both know. But I'd like it if you didn't tell anyone. I'm only here a couple more weeks."

"Okay."

"What are you doing here anyways?"

"I figured you'd want me to collect the trays back too."

"Oh, thanks."

Kirsch picked up the tray from the table. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks Kirsch," I smiled at him a little. He gave me a half smile back and then walked out of the room. I turned to see Carmilla who was still looking tense. "It's okay."

"We need to be much more careful."

"Carm, Perry said I can't get fired or anything."

"No, but it may have them question whether or not they should rehire you. Out of all the people here, you're definitely the best one."

"I am?"

"Well you're the one I hated the least. And then I guess you made a good impression on me."

"Oh you guess?" Carmilla smiled at me. "Well tonight, we won't have to worry about any of that."

"I just have to meet your dad, which is even scarier."

"He'll love you." Carmilla nodded, still a little nervously. I did my best to give her a reassuring smile.


	13. Thirteen

AN: Thank you so much for bearing with me. I will definitely have the next one posted on Thursday. I didn't get as much writing done this week as I would have liked so I am not sure what the status will be next week, but I'll keep it updated.

* * *

My dad smiled at us as we walked into the dinning room. He stood up, as we got closer to him. "Dad this is Carmilla; Carmilla this is my dad."  
"It's nice to meet you Mr. Hollis." Carmilla said shaking my dad's hand.  
"Call me Ron." He said as we all sat down.  
"Okay," she said a little awkwardly. I gave her a small smile and she took a deep breath.  
The waiter walked over and took our drink orders and then walked away as we began to look through the menu.  
"This place has the best French Onion Soup." My dad started. "Laura used to get it all the time. She would burn her mouth because she couldn't wait and let it cool."  
"No," I said sternly.  
"You did."  
"No I mean you can't get that. French Onion soup is the opposite of what you are supposed to be eating. You can have the chicken breast with mushrooms."  
"I love you Laura, but you have made me eat chicken without the skin for most of my meals. I need something with fat. The DOCTOR said I can treat myself to less healthy foods every now and then."  
"I thought that's why you had Twinkies stashed in your dresser. You forgot I did your laundry when you chose that hiding spot."  
"C'mon Laura. At least let me get the duck; I won't get any soup."  
I eyed him for a second. "Alright. What are you getting Carm?" I asked her.  
"What am I allowed to get?" She smirked at me a little and I glared at her a little. "I don't know what specific diet you have me on."  
"Very funny."  
"I was going to get the steak; it's been a while since I've had one of those."  
"Good to know I'm not the only one she babies." My dad commented.  
"I don't baby you. I just make sure you listen to the DOCTORS who just want you to be healthy. And I don't baby Carmilla."  
"You actually don't," Carmilla said.  
The waiter came over and gave my dad and Carmilla their beers and then put my glass of wine in front of me. He took our orders and then walked away again.  
"So Carmilla," my dad started, trying to figure out what to ask. "Laura said you were twenty-five?"  
"Yeah," she took a sip from her beer.  
"Did you go to school?"  
"I started college, but when I was a sophomore the cancer came back and it was easier to just drop out. Between the chemo, radiation, and stem-cell transplant, I would have missed most of the semester. I figured when I went back into remission I would go back. But by that time, I didn't want to do school. So I worked some jobs for a couple of years until it came back again."  
"I'm sorry."  
"It's okay. You know, Laura never told me what you did for a living."  
"I work for the government. It isn't that interesting of a job."  
I rolled my eyes as Carmilla smiled. "What do you do there, or is it classified?"  
"I work for the Department of Natural Resources."  
"Did you always want to work for the government?"  
"No, I wanted to be a sheriff for most of my young life."  
"A sheriff?" She asked laughing a little.  
"Yeah. But then I realized that I didn't live in the old west. So I joined the police academy."  
"Why'd you leave?"  
"We found out we were having Laura. When my wife told me she was pregnant, we had a lot of long discussions about what we were going to do and what our options were. In the end: we decided to have Laura, that I would take a desk job, and she would stay home with Laura."  
"That must have been hard."  
"It was," he took another sip of his beer. "But I am very happy with the decision we made. It's been nice seeing her so happy." Carmilla smiled and I took her hand in mine. My dad looked around, trying to think of something to say. "Laura said you have a brother."  
"Yeah, Will, he's twenty."  
"What is he like?"  
"He's an annoying younger brother, I guess. We aren't really that close and he goes to college on the other side of the country. Plus he's sorta always lived in the shadow of the cancer."  
"Sorry, I didn't mean it pry."  
"No it's fine. Unfortunately the cancer has taken up a large part of my life so things tend to go back to it. Besides the cancer, I haven't done all that much, so there isn't much for me to talk about. But I don't mind when people ask about it."  
My dad looked between us. "It's okay, ask her anything." I said as I nodded.  
"You mentioned stem-cell transplants," he started.  
"Yeah, so my cancer originated in the lymphatic system which helps to fight disease. When it came back the third time they decided to try doing the transplant because it hadn't really spread. I did really strong rounds of both chemo and radiation and then they injected donor stem cells that would form into healthy blood cells."  
"How old were you when you did that?"  
"About nineteen."  
"And that was your third round of treatment?"  
Carmilla nodded. "Yeah. I was diagnosed when I was about fourteen, and then it came back when I was seventeen. Then about a year ago, they found it again and gave me the timeline of a little over a year."  
Carmilla and I didn't talk about the cancer all that much. I knew most of the basics of when she had been diagnosed, but I had never heard her talk about the cancer like how she was doing now. She didn't sound angry, or upset. But it wasn't like she was a robot reciting something either.  
I generally tried not to think about the cancer, but I had still been curious about some things. I knew she would tell me if I asked, but I knew it would change the mood when we were hanging out. It was nice to hear her talk just honestly about everything. Carmilla was giving my dad all of her attention as he asked her a question.

The waiter placed the bill back on the table in front of my dad. "So I don't really know what to say now." My dad said taking his CREDIT CARD back.  
"What do you mean?" I asked glancing at him.  
"Well if you were dating a guy, I would be reminding him to wear a condom. But I don't know what to say when you are dating a girl."  
"Dad!" I said as Carmilla choked on the water she had just drank.  
"I'll be back around ten-thirty; try and keep it down when I get back."  
"Dad," I said again, sterner this time.  
"We are all adults Laura. Am I wrong in my assumption that you guys have had sex?" I glanced at Carmilla whose face was turning pretty red. I could almost guarantee that mine was even worse.  
"Really don't want to talk about this with you," I finally said after a moment of very uncomfortable silence.  
"Dental dams are things, right?" He asked glancing at me. "When you came out, I attended a seminar on safe sex for same sex couples. It mostly focused on two men, but they talked a little about two women."  
"We are not having this conversation."  
"Make sure you've cleaned any toy before you use it."  
"On that note, we are going now." I said quickly standing up. "Thanks for dinner."  
"Thank you Ron. It was nice to meet you," Carmilla said standing up as well.  
"It was no problem, it was nice to meet you too."  
I grabbed Carmilla's hand and pulled her towards the door before he could say anything else.

Carmilla walked around my room and looked at the old picture frames that littered the top of my dresser. "Was this your mom?" She asked motioning to one of them.  
I walked over to her and looked at the picture from when I was about five; she was giving me a piggyback ride. "Yeah."  
"She was really pretty." I nodded. "I see where you get your looks from." I bit my lip a little to prevent myself from smirking as I felt my face redden. "Are you blushing?" She asked laughing a little.  
"Maybe," I muttered and then walked over to my bedside table to look at my phone.  
I felt Carmilla's arms wrap around my stomach and she kissed the back of my head. "You know how beautiful I think you are." I ducked my head a little, letting my hair cover my face some. "Stop that," she pulled my hair from one side, so that it was all over my left shoulder. Carmilla kissed the right side of my neck.  
I pulled away a little so that I could turn and look at Carmilla. She was smiling at me and I bit my lip a little again. She was looking lustfully into my eyes. My face was still a little red but I didn't care, I reached up a little and kissed her. "I love you so much," I said quietly when our lips were only centimeters apart.  
"I love you too," she said and then kissed me again, her hands cupping my face.


	14. Fourteen

Carmilla and I walked through the swinging doors into the kitchen. "Here's the kitchen," I said looking around to see Danny doing the breakfast trays.

"Hey," she said to us.

"You know Danny right?" I asked glancing at Carmilla.

"I didn't know her name," Carmilla shrugged.

"Nice to fully meet you then," Danny smiled at her. Carmilla just nodded. "How was your night?" Danny winked a little.

"It would have been better if I didn't have to listen to Fall Out Boy on the way back."

"You listen to Fall Out Boy?"

"I really like the one album," I said a little defensively.

"I've got that one song stuck in my head now." I could tell that Carmilla wasn't actually that annoyed.

"Which one?"

"That with 'anything you say can and will be held against you'."

"Just One Yesterday?"

"Sure," Carmilla waved her hand a little. "I should probably get back to my room, and you should probably help her out."

"Okay, I'll see you in a little." I turned to Carmilla and hugged her quickly, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Carmilla walked out of the kitchen and then I walked over to help Danny. "You seem really happy," she commented.

"I am." I smiled.

"You leave soon don't you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I have two more weeks."

"I'm going to miss you; you're pretty cool to hang out with."

"Thanks. But I'm going to miss you too."

Danny was looking down at the tray in front of her and smiled. She leaned a little and pushed me with her elbow. "Don't get all emotional on my Hollister."

"You got all reminiscent first."

"Technicality," she said casually and I snorted a little. I shook my head as I started to help make the trays. "Oh, I didn't tell you," I looked at Danny. "I met Mr. Robert's grandson, Joshua."

"Did you guys fall in love? When's your wedding?"

Danny rolled her eyes. "Amazingly enough we are not getting married."

"He must have been crushed."

"I really don't think he was."

"So what was he like?"

"Well," Danny said dragging out the word a little. "He is so gay, it's hilarious."

"You guys could have been each other's beards." Danny laughed. "Was he at least cute?"

"I don't know he was a guy."

"Yes but on a basic level, was he an attractive guy?"

"I guess," Danny said slowly.

"You really are a useless lesbian."

….

I walked through my front door and instantly made eye contact with my dad. "Hi," I said a little awkwardly.

"Hey."

"I thought you were working late." I closed the door behind me.

"I was feeling tired, so I figured it would be best to come straight home."

"You should have called, I could have gotten your dinner too."

"Nah it's fine. I can cook something up for myself."

"You are not making ramen."

"There's a steak in the freezer I was going to cook. Don't worry, I'll trim the fat off."

"Good." I sat down at the nearby table.

"I like Carmilla."

"She liked you too." I said opening up my sub.

"I know I had my reservations about this whole thing. And I still sorta do. But I understand your decision a lot more."

"I really care about her."

"I can tell. It reminded me of your mother and myself." I nodded. "It's not going to be easy. But live in the moment as much as you can. Cause you have been so happy. And it's been amazing to see you like that."

"Thanks dad."

He smiled at me and stood up. Dad walked over to me and rubbed my back a little. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a steak to grill."

….

The door opened and Perry walked into the kitchen, looking around. "Did you have a nice weekend?" I asked her.

"Have you seen Danny?"

"I think she had to take Hannah to work, so she'll be a little late."

"Can you send her to me as soon as she gets here?"

"Yeah," Perry started to leave. "What's going on?"

Perry turned back to mace me and walked towards me. "One of the patients she takes care of died this weekend."

"Not to sound harsh, but patients die here all the time. That's kind of the point."

"He's been here for a little while."

"Did Mr. Roberts die?" Perry nodded. "I thought he was doing well."

"He had a stroke on Saturday a little after his family left. Which was good."

"I'll make sure Danny goes straight to you."

"Thank you, Laura." Perry said and then left the kitchen.

….

I almost reached the end of an old path to see Danny dribbling a basketball by herself. "Hey," I said loud enough that she could hear me.

"Hey," Danny said, still looking at the ball.

"I didn't know this was a thing." I said as I reached the pavement.

"Well it's just for staff. So interns tend to not discover it since no one is stationed here." She shot the ball and it went straight through the net.

"Is this what it's like?"

"Is this what what's like?" She glanced at me as she walked forward a little to catch the ball.

"When a patient dies."

"You've had patients die."

"But I wasn't really close with any of them."

"I wasn't really close with Mr. Roberts."

"You know what I mean."

"It's a part of life, it's a part of the job." I motioned to her and she tossed the ball to me. I dribbled it a couple of times and then shot. "You're scared aren't you?" I glanced at Danny as she went to catch the ball. "Carmilla's the only patient you've become pretty close with, and you guys are really close."

"Yeah," I watched her dribble the ball. "Any tips?"

Danny shot the ball again. "Try not to think about it." I ran forward a little to catch the ball as it bounced off of the rim. "I know that's hard, but try not to focus on what's going to happen. Enjoy the time you have with her now."

"Is that what you do when you are close with them?"

"Yeah. But you can't pretend that they aren't sick either. You have to find the happy medium. And unfortunately only you can do that; it takes some practice, but you get better at doing so."

"And you've figured out your medium?"

"For the most part. Find things that are therapeutic for you, like shooting hoops relaxes me, and lets me think and organize my thoughts. That's what I do. You just need to find your thing."

"Thanks." I tossed the ball back to her.

"No problem."

"Danny," she looked back at me. "I'm sorry about Mr. Roberts."

"Thanks," she said.

I smiled back at her, "I think I'll go back inside and see Carmilla."

"That sounds like a good plan."

….

I knocked on Lafontaine's office door. After a moment, the door opened and they smiled at me. "Perry said you wanted to see me." I said.

"Yes, come on in." They motioned to one of the leather chairs as I came in.

"What's up?" I asked sitting down.

"I talked to Perry about you the other day. She told me about your relationship. We thought it might be good for you to come in and talk, just because of the various emotions you might be going through."

"I'm fine."

"And you may be. But we thought it might be good to just have thirty minutes to talk."

"What do you want me to say?"

"It doesn't matter. Talk about whatever you want. Or, if you'd rather: we could just stare at each other for thirty minutes."

"I'll pass on that." LaFontaine smiled. I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath; it had been a while since I had talked to a therapist. "I guess it hasn't fully registered that she's sick. Hey symptoms are pretty mild, at least the ones I know about. So it's easier to forget that she is sick."

"Do you try to forget it?"

"Yeah, I mean I don't want that in the back of my mind when I'm with her. We both know that its there, but I try to ignore it and just enjoy the time with her."

"Does Carmilla know that you do that?"

"I think so." I said slowly.


	15. Fifteen

I ran down the stairs, I had over slept and wouldn't have time to make myself breakfast. I rounded the corner into the kitchen to see my dad pouring some scrambled eggs from the pan onto a plate.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I thought I would make you breakfast, it's your last week."

"Thanks," I sat down at the table where a glass of orange juice had been poured.

"So I made bacon, and eggs, but the toast got kinda burnt."

"It's okay," I said as he put the plate down in front of me. I started to eat the eggs. "Its really good dad."

"Remember when I used to make you breakfast every weekend?" He sat down in front of his own plate.

"Yeah. I won't get waffles anywhere cause they won't be as good as yours."

"And one day, I will teach you the recipe."

I smiled in-between bites. "This summer has gone by really fast."

"They always do. At least they do for me. I like having you around."

"Even when I baby you like the entire time?"

"That's when I really like it. Times like that is when you really remind me of your mother."

"Did she ever let you baby her?"

"Not once." I laughed a little. "Your mother was a very independent person. No matter how sick she got, she had to do everything herself."

"I miss her."

My dad nodded a little. "I know you do. And I miss her too."

"Does it get easier?"

"It does. Some days it is much worse than others. But the pain does go away slowly."

"I should get going," I said as I finished a piece of bacon. "Thanks for this." I stood up.

"No problem," he smiled at me and then I left the kitchen.

….

I knocked on Carmilla's door and then walked in to see her reading an old book. "Hey," I said loud enough that she could hear me.

"Hey, yourself," she put down the book and got up. I hugged her and then kissed her. "Where were you this morning?"

"I'm covering the dinner shift, so Perry had me come in later."

"Ah," she said sitting back down on her bed.

"What are you reading?"

"_The Bluest Eye_."

"More Toni Morrison?"

"It was one of the 'new' books they brought into the library. I really liked _Beloved_ so I figured why not." I sat down next to her. "This is your last week."

I nodded, "it is."

"What?" She asked nudging my leg a little with her knee.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you."

"We both knew it from the start."

"Yeah." I said slowly.

Carmilla put her arm around my shoulders and I leaned into her a little. "It's not like we'll never talk to each other. There is the payphone thing that I can use to call you. I can even send you cheesy letters if that's what you want. We can email and all that stuff. I know it's not ideal, but it's better than nothing."

"You're right."

"I know I am," I could hear the slight smirk in her voice. "I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed the top of my head. "I should probably go back to work."

"Probably," she said and moved her arm.

….

"Two more days," Danny said tossing a tennis ball to me.

"Not even," I said as I caught it.

"We're gonna miss you," she said as I tossed it back.

"I know you are," I smirked at Danny a little.

"Head's up Kirsch!" Danny called as she threw the tennis ball to him.

"Watch it psycho!" He said as he fumbled it a little. "You know no ball playing around the pool."

"We are the only ones here," she said as he tossed the ball to me.

"So why do they have all three of us here?"

"They're fixing the sprinklers in the gardens so they just sent me here."

"Why are you annoyed then, we are awesome people to be hanging out with?" Kirsch said mock offended.

"She'd rather use this time to make out with her girlfriend," Danny said in a middle schooler voice.

"Shut up," I pushed her a little as I felt my face redden.

"Well am I wrong?"

"No," I said and looked at the ground. Danny and Kirsch laughed and Kirsch patted me on the back.

"I get you. Back in college, I dated this girl and it always sucked during the summer because she lived on the other side of the country."

"What'd you do?"

"We talked on the phone a whole bunch. And it was kinda nice though, since we saw each other all the time at school."

"Yeah, but I probably won't be coming back to her."

"Yeah," Danny said quietly.

I cleared my throat a little. It's a beautiful day, lets not mope around." I said and grabbed the ball from Danny's hand before beaming it at Kirsch.

….

The nurses' station was crowded by a couple of the different nurses. They smiled and said hi to me as I walked to Perry's desk. "I'm leaving soon," I said.

"Is this goodbye then?" She asked standing up.

I nodded, "yeah."

"Have you said goodbye to everyone else?"

"No you're the first one."

"Well, I hope to see you next summer."

"I hope so too."

"Goodbye Laura," she said sticking out her hand.

"Bye Perry. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I really appreciate it." I took her hand and shook it.

"We're glad."

I walked away from the nurses' station and towards the counseling center. I knocked on Lafontaine's door and then walked in. "Hi Laura," they said after glancing over at me.

"I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to observe you working with people. I really appreciate it."

"It was no problem. Maybe next summer we can try and find something that gives you more of counseling type work."

"That would be great."

"Have a good year Laura."

"Thank you. You too," I said as I shook their hand and then walked out of their office.

Danny and Kirsch were sitting in the kitchen eating some of the leftover pudding from lunch.

"I'm heading out soon," I said.

Danny walked over to me and gave me a giant hug. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," I said as we pulled apart. "And you," I said turning to Kirsch who also hugged me.

"It's been cool Hollis."

I shook my head a little. "You guys have been really awesome, and I hope to see you again."

"Definitely," Danny said.

"I'll see you around," I turned to leave.

"See ya later Hollister!" Danny called after me.

I knocked on Carmilla's door and counted to fifteen for the last time before walking in. "Hey," she said looking at me.

"Hey," I responded.

"You leaving?" I nodded. Carmilla walked over to me and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, not wanting to let go. I eventually pulled away a little so that I could kiss her. We broke the kiss and just looked in each other's eyes as our foreheads touched a little. "I have something for you," she said quietly.

"Oh?" I asked and she pulled fully away.

"Yeah," she said tucking her hair behind her ear and then got on her knees and looked under her bed. "Here," she said smiling. Carmilla handed me a wrapped rectangle and I could already tell it was a book. I opened it to see Freud's _The Interpretation of Dreams_. "I figured a psych nerd like you would like it."

"I've never actually read it. Where did you get this?"

"I had Danny get it for me, and I paid her back."

"Thank you." I said hugging her quickly. "And now you're turn," I said pulling a gift bag out of my backpack.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"Well this is mostly for me," I said as I handed it to her. She pulled out some of the tissue paper and then an external webcam. "This way we can Skype, since your ancient laptop doesn't have a webcam."

Carmilla smiled. "Thank you, Laura."

"I love you Carm," her smile grew as she continued to look down at the bag.

"I love you too, Laura."

I pulled her in for another hug. "I'll talk to you before I go back to school."

"Don't you need to pack?"

I shrugged a little in the hug. I pulled away from her a little. "Goodbye."

"Bye," she said. I didn't move, I just continued to look in her eyes. Carmilla pulled me into her a little and kissed me again. "'Me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody. We need some kind of tomorrow.' It will be a different kind of tomorrow, but we still have it." She said quietly when were only an inch or two apart.

I smiled at her, "I love you." I said again.

"I love you too." I could see her eyes watering, and that she was trying really hard not to cry.

"Bye," I said quietly.

"Bye," she said even more quietly as I turned around and started to walk to the door. I looked back at her, and smiled at her, she smiled at me again and wiped her eye a little.


	16. Sixteen

**AN: Hey so I'm back. Sorry just sorta fall off the face of the Earth without any notice. Part of why this has taken so long is that its almost over, and I've really liked working on this project and didn't want it to end. The other part of that was I had A TON of work to do before the semester was over and my outside of class writing energy went to the sequel of my novel. But I have the rest of this done so check back on Thursday.**

* * *

I ran up the stairs of my building. I had never hated living on the third floor until this moment. Carmilla and I had a Skype date in a couple of minutes; we hadn't talked much this week, I had forgotten how much work was involved in grad-school. I reached the third floor landing and jogged to my apartment at the end of the hall. I didn't want to look too out of breath when I saw her for the first time in a week. Her energy level had gone down, since I had left but other than that she seemed to be doing alright.

I sat down at my desk and pulled out my laptop. I plugged it into the charger before I opened it up and watched the log-in screen load. I tapped the desk with my fingers as my laptop logged in. It seemed to take forever. As soon as it loaded I clicked on the blue Skype icon and watched it load. There was a blue silhouette with her name underneath and a green checkmark. I clicked onto the call button and watched as it tried to connect the two of us.

Within a minute the screen changed and it was Carmilla smiling at me. "Hey," I said. My voice still sounded a little out of breath.

"Hey yourself." She was smiling widely. "Were you just running?"

"Kinda. Is it that obvious?" Carmilla nodded. "I guess I'm pretty out of shape."

"Your not out of shape in some areas," she smirked.

I felt my face redden a little. "How are you doing?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

"The same she shrugged."

"Carmilla," I said sternly.

"Laura," she said in the same tone.

"You'd tell me if things were happening, right?"

"I don't wanna make things weird."

"Carm," I started.

"What happened to our deal that when it was us I'm not sick?"

"That's when I was seeing you all the time. Now that I'm not, I want to know how you are doing."

"Fine," she said. "But nothing has really changed since last time we talked."

"So what's with that?" I motioned to the machines that she was now hooked up to.

"They are just paranoid here, I'm not going to randomly drop dead. They just want to keep an eye on my vitals and stuff." I titled my head a little and looked at her as sternly as I could. "I promise. I'll keep you somewhat updated."

"Thanks. I wish I could be there with you."

"I'm glad you aren't here. I don't want you to see me attached to all this crap."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too. But you need to focus on school."

"Yeah right is that going to happen."

Carmilla smiled. "Worth a shot," she smirked.

I glanced at my clock. "I should probably go, I have an exam soon."

"Yeah, go study."

"Alright." I paused, "you sure you are okay?"

"Yeah Laura, don't worry about me. Or try to not worry about me too much."

"I love you."

"I love you too," she said and then ended the call. I looked at the black screen for a second before turning my attention to my textbook.

….

I knocked on the door, counted to fifteen and then walked in. Carmilla leaned up a little and looked at me, smiling a little. "What are you doing here?"

"I have off on Monday, so I thought I would visit you." She tried to sit up more. "No, stay where you are." I put my bag down and sat down next to her on the bed.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," I tried to avoid laying on any thing connecting her to a machine as I relaxed next to her. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "I've felt worse, but I've felt much better."

"Remember your promise?"

"My energy is pretty low, I sleep most of the time."

"Have you been reading much?"

Carmilla shook her head. "I just haven't felt like it." I stroked her hair a little. "I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you too."

"What time is it?"

"About seven. Do you want another pillow or something?"

Carmilla nodded a little and I got up to get another pillow. "You came late. Visiting hours are over."

"Yes," I said as I found a pillow in her closet. "I was planning on spending the night if that's okay with you."

"You're spending the night?" She asked faintly as I put another pillow under her head, helping her get into a better position.

"Perry's going to do the night shift, so she'll be the one checking in on you. I talked to her earlier in the week and she said that she'd just come in and check your vitals and stuff. Is that okay?" She smiled widely. I kissed her on her forehead.

"Who knew you were a badass?" She said as I sat back down next to her. I laughed a little and then lounged so that we were lying next to each other.

There was a knock on the door. After a minute Perry walked in. "I thought I would wait longer than fifteen seconds, just in case." She said as she walked over to us.

"Hi Perry."

"It's nice to see you Laura. Do you need anything Carmilla?"

"No," she said quietly.

"I'll be back to check on you in like an hour and a half."

"Thanks," I said as Perry walked back out of the room.

"Can I have some water?" I nodded and got her cup that was sitting on the bedside table. I put it close to her mouth and helped put the straw in her mouth. She took a couple of small sips before pulling away. "Thanks," her voice was almost normal volume.

I put the cup back down and glanced back at her to see her yawning some. "Go to sleep if you're tired." Carmilla nodded again and I moved into her, putting my arm around her. She moved into me more and put her head on my shoulder. "I love you Carm," I said quietly and kissed her forehead.

"Love too, Laura." She said barely above a whisper.

Her breathing began to slow some and I knew she had fallen asleep. I stroked her arm a little; it was more of a comfort for me than anything. Her arms were very thing, and I could tell that she had lost a lot of weight. I tried to ignore it and instead just closed my eyes.

….

I walked down the hallway when I heard a voice call my name. I turned around to see Danny standing not too far away. "Hey," I said hugging her.

"How's school going?"

"Pretty good."

"Look: she's going."

"What?"

"Her cancer is speeding up."

"No," I said shaking my head.

"Its been getting pretty bad."

"She still has another month and a half, two months."

"I don't think she does." Danny said quietly. "I'm really sorry Laura."

"You're wrong."

"I wish I was. But you can tell. And generally so can they; she probably knows it too."

"She would have told me."

"She doesn't want you to worry about her; she's not going to say anything. Carmilla knows that you would come back here. She want's you to stay at school."

"I don't want to be gone when she dies, I want to be here."

"I know you do."

I walked into Danny's open arms. She rubbed my back a little as I began to cry into her. "She promised she would tell me when things happened."

"She loves you Laura. She doesn't want to hurt you. Look," she said and I pulled away from her a little to look into her eyes. "this was probably the last time she'll see you in person. Her last real memory of you will be you sneaking in to spend the night. You having Perry cover so that you can sleep next to her. She won't be thinking about you crying. She knows you will be, but this way she won't actually see it."

"I know you're right," I wiped my eyes with my arm.

"And your last memory of her will have her being engaged and talking and having some energy. You've seen people at the end; you know what they look like. And it's really hard to remember what they looked like before. Can you remember her when she first came here?"

"It's kinda foggy."

"Exactly. This is best for both of you. Keep talking to her, but hopefully this weekend is what you remember, not the next couple of weeks."

"I don't want her to go. I'm not ready."

"I know," Danny said as she hugged me again. "I know," she repeated quietly as she rubbed my back.

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**As always, I love hearing feedback about the story. See you Thursday!**


	17. Seventeen

My phone buzzed. It was the hospital. I took a deep breath and answered.

"Laura, honey." Perry started.

"No," I said quietly, shaking my head.

"I'm sorry."

"When?"

"Last night. It was in her sleep and peaceful. I doubt she felt anything."

"She still had like a month," I said.

"Her symptoms came all of a sudden, and they came strong." I nodded even though I knew that Perry couldn't see me. "We are doing a small reception for her. We do them for patients that have been around for a while. It's Saturday at noon."

"I'll be there. Thanks, Perry."

"I'm very sorry for you loss, Laura."

"Thanks," I said quietly before ending the call. I looked at my phones background picture, which was of the two of us. I stared at it for a couple of minutes as I began to cry. It had only been a week and a half or so since I had visited her. We had talked a couple of times since, but not for long.

….

My dad was looking at the mirror in the living room, fixing his tie as I walked downstairs. "You almost ready?" I asked quietly. He turned and looked at me. He nodded slowly as I walked towards him. I walked into his open arms and hugged him back. "It gets easier right?"

"It does," he said quietly and kissed the top of my head. "It gets a little easier everyday. There are some days its worse, but you are strong."

"Thanks dad." I said as I pulled away from him.

"Do you think her family will be there?"

"I kinda doubt it. I never met her mom, and I barely met her brother once. It's not like they were close."

My dad nodded, not knowing what to say. "Do you know how this thing works? Is it religious?"

"I have no idea. I'm guessing not very. I would guess that it is a fairly informal thing where people just share memories and thoughts, but she didn't really talk to many people there." My dad rubbed my back a little and then we walked out of my house.

The first floor lounge looked very different than from how I had ever seen it before. Some of the couches had been cleared out, but most of them had been rearranged to make more space for people. There was a table off to the side with some snacks and drinks.

There was another table that had a couple of pictures of Carmilla on it. I walked over to it and smiled looking at the old pictures of her. Out of the four, I only recognized one of them. It had been taken at the game night when she first got here. That night had been one of the first times we had actually talked; it was when we sat out on the rooftop. The other three were from beforehand, when she was younger.

I looked more at the one that was of what looked like a seven-year-old Carmilla with her brother sitting on her lap. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces. I laughed a little seeing her noticeable overbite.

"Yeah she had braces for about five years." I turned and saw Carmilla's brother standing besides me.

"She never mentioned it."

"You're Laura right?" I nodded. "Will. It's nice to actually meet you."

"You too," I said a little cautiously as I took his outstretched hand. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm surprised you're here."

"I'm not offended. A couple weeks ago I had to drop some stuff off here and realized just how bad it was. She was sick or in remission for most of what I remember, it didn't seem real. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah."

"But seeing her with so little energy and so thin, I started to come more. We talked some, and sorted out a lot of stuff. I'm mad at myself about the past couple of years, but I'm glad I could be here at the end."

"She didn't mention you."

"I'm not surprised. She mentioned you a lot."

I smiled and hoped that I wasn't blushing. "So you uh, brought the pictures?"

"Yeah. I figured they wouldn't have many here."

I shook my head. "She was not one for pictures."

"Hey," Kirsch said, he was standing on the other side of Will.

"Hey."

"Let me know if either of you need anything."

"Thanks Kirsch."

"Come here," he said and walked towards me and wrapped me in a giant bear hug. "I don't want to monopolize you," he said as I pulled away from him.

"Thanks Kirsch." He smiled at me and then started talking to Will. I glance around and noticed LaFontaine getting some water. "Hi," I said as I walked up to them.

They turned around to look at me. "How are you doing Laura?"

"Alright."

"Classes going well?"

"Lots of work, but yeah."

"I'd love to talk more, but I have an appointment in ten minutes."

"Yeah no. It's okay."

"Keep up with your school work and grades and then call me in the spring. We will probably be able to get you another internship doing more social work type stuff for next summer."

"Thank you so much. I will." I said and then they walked away.

My eyes fell on Danny who was standing off to the side talking to one of the other younger people that worked here, Natalie. She looked away from her and our eyes met. She said something to Natalie and then started walking towards me. I walked towards her some and met her halfway.

"Hi." She said quietly when we were only about a foot apart.

"Go ahead and say it."

"Say what?"

"'I told you so.' This whole time you said not to get too close, you told me not to be with her, you told me not to fall in love with her." Danny was nodding a little. "You said that I needed to remember that I would be here in five months. You said that you hoped I knew what I was doing. So you were right. I wasn't ready for this. So say it."

"I'm not going to say that. I'm going to hug you because that's what you need right now." I nodded as she wrapped her arms around me.

I cried into her. "Thank you," I muffled into her chest.

"You can call me if you need to. Don't hesitate."

I pulled away a little. "I wanted to. But I didn't know what you'd say."

"I know I wasn't very supportive of your relationship. But I respect it; it took a lot of strength from you. And no matter what, I'm impressed. I couldn't have done it."

"I miss her Danny."

"I know you do Laura." I pulled away and nodded, wiping my eyes quickly.

"Laura," I turned to see Perry standing behind me. "How are you doing?" She asked as she hugged me.

I shrugged. "You warned me about this." She nodded, but put her hand on my shoulder, reassuringly. "Does it get easier?" I wiped my eyes a little, despite knowing it was useless. "I can't imagine doing this all the time."

"Its never easy when its patients we've known for a while. You just get used to it." I nodded again, and took a deep breath. "Come with me."

"I'll see you around," I said to Danny.

"Take care of yourself," she said.

I nodded and then followed Perry out of the lounge and to the nurses' station. "There's something for you."

"What?" I asked surprised.

"Carmilla told me to give this to you."

I looked to see what Perry handed me. It was Carmilla's copy of _Crime and Punishment_. I smiled a little and wiped the tears from my eyes so that I could properly see it. It was old and worn; you could tell she had read it a lot. I carefully opened it to the inside cover.

_ Laura –_

_Second chances aren't that bad, actually they are totally worth it. I hope you give this another chance. You probably won't love it, but it will be worth it. Just remember 'something that is loved is never lost'. I'll never really leave you. I love you._

\- _Carmilla_

I wiped my eyes again. "Thanks," I said quietly to Perry.

"Do you need anything?"

I looked at Perry, and then again at the book. I shook my head. "I think I'm going to go and read." Perry smiled at me a little as I walked towards the staircase.

Carmilla's old room had some boxes scattered about. I turned on the light and sat down on the bed that no longer had any sheets on it. I lounged, and opened the book carefully. I smiled a little through my tears as I read _On an exceptionally hot evening early in July a young man came out of the garret in which he lodged in S. Place and walked slowly, as though in hesitation, towards K. bridge._

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**AN: Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading/enjoying this story. It has been so awesome working on it. I have no idea if I'll be writing any other fics anytime soon. But I hope you enjoyed it and maybe keep an eye out for my other writing projects.**


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